


Behind Closed Doors

by HistoireEternelle



Series: The Admiral and the Profiler [1]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: AU, Admiral!Red, Angst, F/M, Profiler!Liz, This baby was supposed to be a pwp, too bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-02-28 06:19:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2721863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HistoireEternelle/pseuds/HistoireEternelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time was the same. She would sneak in his room after Jennifer was asleep, he would take her in his arms for a while before asking the traditional question. The one he never missed to ask. </p><p>“Are you sure, sweetheart?”</p><p>He would never force her and she always was the one to come to him.</p><p>“I am,” she replied as always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Ripper for your help! love you!
> 
> The lack of smutty fics in this fandom was driving me crazy, so here we go!

When he parked his car in front of his house, Raymond frowned. Light was flowing from the windows when he was supposed to be alone for the evening. Jennifer shouldn’t be home until tomorrow for her Christmas break at college. Exiting slowly the car, he walked to the door, his hand on his service gun strapped at his hip. The door was unlocked when he tried the handle and he was met by giggles when he pushed the door open. Relaxing significantly, he closed the door, took off his snowy shoes and walked to the lounge. Leaning against the doorframe, he looked at the scene playing in front of him.

Two young girls were snuggling on the couch, sharing one blanket, blond and black hair mingling on the cushion; they were watching TV. He smiled at the sight and waited until they spotted him.

“Dad, stop sneaking on us like that! It’s not polite,” Jennifer said leaving her friend’s arms to look at her father, smiling.  
“Good evening girls,” Raymond said finally walking in the room. “I thought you weren’t due until tomorrow Jenny,” he said kissing his daughter.  
“Liz and I decided to drive here early, I hope you don’t mind dad?” she said kissing her dad back.  
“Of course no,” he said. “Miss Milhoan,” he greeted the black haired woman sitting on his couch.  
“Admiral Reddington,” Liz replied, smiling to the man.  
“Does old Sam know you’re here?”  
“Not yet, I hoped…” Liz said, worrying her lower lip with her teeth.  
“Liz’s staying with us tonight, she’ll go home tomorrow, is that ok dad?” Jenny asked, eyes pleading.  
“Of course dear, I’ll go change. What do you want for diner?” he asked over his shoulder, walking to the door.  
“Pizza!”  
“Don’t you think you eat pizza enough at college?”  
“You can never eat too much pizza dad,” Jenny said shaking her head.  
“Pizza it is, then,” Raymond said before leaving the room to his bedroom.

He couldn’t decently spend the evening with his daughter and her friend clad in his Navy uniform. Even if Liz was five years older than Jenny, the girls had been friends for ever. Sam had been his instructor in the Navy when he chose to join the army 25 years ago and when he retired, he went to live close by. Raymond had seen his friend struggle to adopt a child for years and finally welcome the young Elizabeth in his life when she had been four. Her parents had died in the fire that ravaged their house one night, and the child didn’t have any relatives. When Sam took her in, she had been traumatized and he had fight to win her trust. When his wife died giving him a daughter a year later, Sam had been here to help him through and the girls had grew up together, almost as sisters. He hadn’t been really present for his daughter when she was young, his career just starting and Sam had been the one here for them, taking Jenny in every time Raymond had been off for some classified mission. He had earned his stripes fast, faster than anybody else, and came back home permanently when Jenny had been fifteen. Jenny was 20 now and living with Liz in an apartment just outside Quantico. Liz was a FBI trainee and Jenny was at NU studying Criminal Justice to follow her friend’s steps.

He discarded his white uniform and put on some black jeans and a flannel shirt before joining the girls downstairs.

“Did you order yet?” he asked walking in the room, startling the girls bent over the laptop.  
“Dad! Stop doing that! We know you’re trained to take out the bad guys but stop it! And no, we were waiting for you, you took forever to change!”  
“I’m here now, let’s do it and be over with,” Raymond said. “Make some room for me, girls,” he added sitting next to Liz on the couch. “So what do we have here?”

The girls were perusing the menu of the small Italian restaurant they’d found some years ago.

“Four cheese, dad?” Jenny asked.  
“As usual, dear,” Raymond replied turning his attention on the TV.  
“Liz?”  
“Pesto and shrimps, please,” Liz smiled.  
“You two are weird you know that, right?” she said ordering her own peperoni pizza.  
“The guy imports his cheeses from Italy and France, and you want me to order some bland peperoni and cheddar pizza? You’re the one weird here, darling,” Raymond replied, his eyes never leaving the screen hanging on the wall facing the couch.

Fifteen minutes later a knock at the door made Raymond move from his spot on the couch. He opened the door, paid for the order and walked back to the lounge three boxes in his hands. He put them on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to grab some napkins and drinks. He came back a few second later, two diet cokes for the girls in one hand and a glass of Syrah for himself in the other. He sat back on the couch next to Liz and handed them their drinks.

“Thanks Dad,” Jenny mumbled opening the boxes in front of them to find her order.  
“Thanks Admiral,” Liz smiled.

Raymond smiled back at the young girl before turning back to the TV. Something new was on.

“What are we watching?” he asked after a few seconds.  
“ _We_ are watching Love Actually, Dad,” Jenny replied, a meaningful stare on her father.

Sighing, Raymond grabbed his glass of wine and pizza when a hand landed on his thigh.

“You can stay with us, you know,” Liz said, her eyes on his, smiling shyly.  
“I’ll be perfectly well in the kitchen, thanks all the same Milhoan,” he said finally getting up, Liz’s hand slipping from his leg. “Enjoy the movie.”

Liz watched him leave the room, her teeth worrying her lower lip while Jenny was wolfing down her pizza her eyes glued on the screen. Liz sighed and started eating.

The next time Raymond looked in the lounge on his way to bed, he found his daughter and her friend still on the couch. Liz was sitting, her head cradled in her hand, her elbow resting on the arm of the couch, her eyes focused on the movie. He couldn’t see Jennifer so he supposed that she must be laying down, her head on Liz’s lap as she used to do when she was younger. He smiled at the sight before leaving them to head to his bedroom. It had been a long day at work.

He went to the bathroom to shower before slipping on sleep pants and sneaking under the blankets his reading glasses on his nose, a book in hand.  Half an hour later, he heard the girls climb the stairs, talk a few minutes in the hall before hearing two set of door close. He sighed, put his glasses and book on the nightstand and turn off the light.

One hour later, he heard a floorboard creak and soon after his room door opened silently. He saw a shadow slip in before closing the door again. He smiled and closed his eyes, faking sleep.

“Red?”  
“Right here, Lizzie,” he breathed his hand moving to graze her bare thigh.

He moved to the center of the bed, opening the blankets for her to slip in. She did in a matter of seconds, closing the distance between them immediately. He closed his arms around her and buried his nose in her curls when her lips grazed his neck.

“I should have called when Jen decided to come here early, I’m sorry” she said her fingers playing with the hair on his chest.  
“Never apologize for coming here, sweetheart,” he whispered, his hands sneaking under the hem of her top.  
“I’ve missed you, Red.”  
“And I’ve missed you too,” he replied, lowering his head to kiss her slowly on the lips.

He still felt guilty sometimes. They started their affair five years ago, late at night; he had found Liz crying on his doorstep. He had taken her in, made her some hot chocolate and let her cry and sob in his arms for hours. She had had a fight with Sam about something they didn’t even remember now and she had left the house furious, knowing the Reddingtons would give her a shelter until Sam cooled off. But Jennifer hadn’t been here that night and Raymond had been the one to listen and talk to her. And one thing leading to another, they had made love on the couch. He had been her first and since that day, every time she spent the night with them she ended up in his bed.

And every time was the same. She would sneak in his room after Jennifer was asleep, he would take her in his arms for a while before asking the traditional question. The one he never missed to ask.

“Are you sure, sweetheart?”

He would never force her and she always was the one to come to him.

“I am,” she replied as always.

He smiled in the dark, his hand drawing a burning path on her skin from her hip to her breast. He ran his palm on her hardening nipple and she sucked in a breath, nipping lightly at his throat.

“Don’t leave a mark, love. Jenny will see it,” he mumbled, his breath hitching in his throat when he felt her hand sneak under the waistband of his pants.  
“Would it be that bad?” she asked, looking suddenly at him.  
“I’m not sure I’m ready for her to know,” he replied lowering his eyes to evade her stare.

He felt her tense against him and her hand left its spot on his hip when she turned around, leaving him cold on his side of the bed. He knew he had hurt her, but couldn’t help the fear he felt every time he thought about his daughter’s reaction at his relationship with Liz.

“Sweetheart, please come back here,” he pleaded his arm curling around Liz’s waist and pulling her back against his chest. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”  
“Don’t. Please Red, don’t,” she cut him off.  
“Lizzie… I’m sorry, I swear I want to tell her, I don’t want to keep you a secret for ever, but please give me time,” he whispered, his nose buried in her curls, his fingers drawing patterns on her stomach.  
“It’s been five years, Red,” she said, tears in her voice.

He turned her around in his arms and she immediately closed her arms around his neck, breathing him in. He traced soothing circles on her back waiting for her to talk because he couldn’t. It’s been five years and he couldn’t imagine his life without her anymore but was afraid to lose his daughter. If he had to choose between Jenny and Lizzie, he knew what his choice would be. Jenny would always be first, no matter how much he loved Lizzie.

“Make love to me, Red,” she whispered finally, sitting up and taking her top and shorts off leaving her naked.

A sad smile spread on Raymond’s lips at that. He knew she was taking everything he could give her, not asking for more even if she wanted to and it was killing them slowly. He ran his hand on her torso feeling her hold her breath when he grazed at the side of her breast. She was so beautiful. He pulled her to him and closed his lips around her nipple, sucking slowly, making her moan. Her hands scratching his scalp through his short hair, she directed him to the other breast, moving to straddle his thighs. He could feel her heat pressing on him, her wetness rubbing against him through his pants.

“Take them off,” she breathed.

He let her nipple slid from his mouth and fumbled with the string at his waistband. She pushed his hands away and untied it with steady hands before sliding his pants down his legs. She looked at him then, spread on the bed, his cock jutting proudly, a white pearl running down his length slowly. He crooked an eyebrow then, waiting for her next move patiently. She smiled and lowered her head, hands on his hips to keep him in place; she closed her mouth around the tip of him. He hissed, his hips bucking against her grip when he felt her tongue on the underside of his cock. She smiled when she felt his hand fist on her hair. She had him at her mercy and it never stopped to amaze her to see him in such a state. He was used to be the one in control but not with her. She was the one with power in his bedroom and she loved it. She started moving her head, her tongue never leaving his skin, adding the tip of her teeth the remind him who was in control when he tried to push deeper.

“Lizzie, Lizzie, stop!” he almost sobbed, his grip on her hair tightening to prevent her any more stroke of her mouth.

She sat back smiling, running her tongue on her lips and looked at him. He was breathless; sweat gleaming on his forehead. She had brought him at the very edge of his self-control. He smiled then and she instantly knew she was in trouble. He grabbed her arm and pulled her sharply, moving to pin her onto the mattress with his weight. She could feel his hard cock against her hip and smiled grinding against him. He kissed her hard, his tongue invading her mouth, their teeth clashing in the heat of the kiss. He broke the kiss grinning before sliding down her body, his lips grazing her skin. He made a short stop to kiss tenderly her breasts before resuming his journey south. His hands on her inner thighs, he pushed her to open her legs. His cheek on the thin skin of her thigh, he smiled up at her before blowing slowly air at her glistening center. He chuckled when he felt her start at the sensation.

He let his finger run her moist folds and she hissed went she felt the hotness of his mouth close on her clit. As she did earlier, he put his hands on her hips to steady her and ran his tongue from her entrance to her clit.

“Red!” she breathed her hand fisting on the sheets at her side, the other on his head.  
“Problem sweetheart?” he asked smugly from between her thighs, his deep voice sending shivers up her spine.  
“Bastard.”  
“At your service, love,” he relied before resuming his ministrations.

His tongue curled around her clit, sucking lightly on the nub and his hand traveled south to slid in her hot core. He started to pump his fingers in rhythm with his tongue and she felt her muscles start to flutter around him. He twisted his fingers inside her one last time and added some teeth on her clit and she saw stars. Her body jerking under him, she bit her lip to muffle the cries flowing from her mouth.

“You ok, love?” he asked when she didn’t move for a few seconds.  
“I love you Raymond,” she breathed pulling him to kiss his lips, tasting herself on his tongue.

He smiled against her lips before locking his eyes with hers.

“I love you,” he whispered and she felt his hand sneak between their bodies, positioning himself at her entrance. Their eyes locked, his hips moving at an incredible slowly pace, he slid inside her.

They stayed motionless for a few second, trying to master their erratic breath. He kissed her lovingly, his hips suddenly in motion, sending jolts of electricity through her body. She knew he was close when he slid his arm under her knee changing the angle of the penetration and hitting just the right spot to send her over the edge. But it wasn’t enough and he knew it, his rhythm frantic, he was losing control. She sneaked her hand between their bodies and pinched her clit sending her immediately over the edge, her muscles clamping at him taking him with her. He kept moving a few more second before collapsing on the mattress at her side, boneless.

They stayed silently side by side, the sweat on their bodies cooling slowly, long enough to settle their breath. She then motioned for her clothes and was about to get up to put them on when an arm curled around her waist and pulled her back.

“Red, what are you doing?” she asked tiredly when he started to kiss the nape of her neck.  
“Stay with me tonight,” he breathed against her skin.

She looked at him, startled. She never stayed in his bed when Jen was at home.

“What about Jen?” she asked studying his face closely.  
“We’ll figure it out in the morning,” he smiled, pulling her back in the bed and closing his arms around her.

Her head on his shoulder, her fingers playing with his chest hair, she closed her eyes, smiling.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the angst. Remember you asked for it :)

Jennifer had always loved Christmas. It was the only time of the year she knew for sure her father would be here. His work sent him away for months in a row and she spent that time living with Liz and Sam, but never on Christmas. She knew that on Christmas Eve, the Milhoans would come to help prepare the evening diner and always stay the night.

This particular Christmas wasn’t different. On the 24th, she woke up earlier than usual, excitement running through her blood. Jumping out of bed, she grabbed a robe, put on her slippers and opened silently her bedroom door. She knew her father was tired lately so she didn’t want to wake him up that early. After a short stop in the bathroom, she headed to the kitchen for her most needed morning coffee. She was in the middle of the hall when she heard the first moan. Frowning, she made a few steps forward and stopped to listen. The sound came from her father’s room.

She knew sometimes he had some nasty nightmares. He hadn’t won his stripes staying behind a desk but on the field. Even if he never talked to her about his missions, she knew it wasn’t the easy kind, she had seen the scars on his torso when he swam in the pool in summer. Stepping closer from the door, she could hear the bed creak under her father’s jerks. She knocked lightly on the door and waited. Sometimes it was all it took to settle Raymond’s sleep. Not this time though, she could hear whispers and grunting through the wood.

“Dad?” she whispered cracking the door open.

When the sounds kept coming from the dark room, she took a step inside and froze. On the bed two silhouettes were moving in rhythm. Her father had his back against the headboard and the woman was straddling his thighs, the fingers of one hand closed around the headboard next to his shoulder and the other cradling his head, which was buried in her bosom. She felt heat rise on her face but couldn’t move an inch. She jerked from her trance when she heard her father moan her best friend’s name in a husky voice.

“What the fuck!?” she yelled anger replacing awkwardness.

The couple on the bed froze immediately. She saw her father’s arm close around Liz back, pulling her against his chest, making her moan involuntary when her hips moved against his. He looked over her shoulder, his eyes hard on her.

“Jennifer, please, go to the kitchen, we’ll talk shortly,” he said in a flat, serious voice.  
“Fine,” she said angrily before leaving the room, slamming the door on her way out.

As soon as the door was closed, Liz jumped from the bed and began to pace the room.

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” she mumbled looking everywhere except in Raymond’s direction.  
“Calm down, sweetheart,” he said, putting his pants back on and handing a robe to cover Liz’s nakedness.

Once dressed, he took her in his arms, crushing her against his chest in an attempt to calm her. She pushed him away and kept walking back and forth, her arms around her body.

“Lizzie, please, come here and calm down,” he pleaded sitting back on the bed and patting the space next to him.  
“Calm down?! Are you fucking kidding me? She saw us Red! She fucking saw us! How can I be calm?!” she barked finally stopping to face him.  
“We’re going to figure it out, love. Please come here,” he replied calmly extending his hand for her to take.

She looked at him horror in her eyes. He didn’t understand the implications, but she knew Jen better than him, she knew perfectly how the girl would react.

“She walked on us when we were fucking, Red. There’s nothing to figure out, we’re screwed and I know it, even if you don’t,” she spat, her voice breaking on the last words.

He felt his heart broke at the sight of her tears running down her cheeks. Standing up, he walked to Liz and closed his arms around her once again. She didn’t evade him this time and leaned against his chest, sobs wrecking her body. He gave her the time to calm down a little before putting his forehead against hers, their eyes locked.

“I love you,” he breathed.

She closed her eyes at that. She knew it was the beginning of the end between them, Jen would never accept a relationship between her best friend and her father, and knowing Red’s feelings didn’t help to shoulder the blow she knew was coming.

“Let’s get dressed, we can’t avoid her any longer,” she said, walking from the protection of his arms.

He sighed and went to his dresser to take out clothes for both of them. Over the years Liz had left quite a bunch of clothe in his room and he was glad to have them now. They dressed in silence, Liz in jeans and blouse and Raymond in a three pieces suit.

“Forgo the jacket, she won’t be duped by your armor and you don’t need to give her any more ammunitions against us,” she said.

She knew why he had chosen this outfit. It was the closest thing from his Admiral uniform and he was using it to sit his authority over the situation. She smiled when he put the jacket back on the bed and rolled his sleeves to the elbow. She loved him so much in suits.

“Ready?” he asked linking their fingers.  
“No, but we don’t have any choice,” she said sadly, kissing him tenderly on the lips before opening the door.

He squeezed her hand and, together, they walked to the death of their relationship. Even if they hadn’t talked about it, they knew it was over. Jennifer would never accept them as an item and Raymond would always put her daughter wishes higher than anything else. Even his own wishes.

“I love you,” he whispered before walking through the kitchen door. Jennifer was there, sitting at the bar, coffee in hand. She turned her burning stare on them as soon as they walked in, her eyes falling on their joined hands. Liz’s first move would have been to untangle her fingers from Raymond’s but he tightened his grip on her.  
“What were you thinking?” he said when Jennifer kept staring at them without a word, and Liz cringed at his choice of words. It wasn’t the best way to begin such a confrontation.  
“What was I thinking?! What I was thinking? Are you fucking kidding me, dad? What were YOU thinking?” she yelled getting up from her stool.  
“Language, Jennifer,” he warned sternly.  
“Screw you!” she spat. “Oh wait, it’s already done,” she added, venom in her voice.  
“How dare you! I didn’t raise you…”  
“No, that’s the whole point, dad. You DIDN’T raise me at all! Sam did, and now you’re fucking my best friend! How dare YOU?!” she cut him off. “And you? What the hell is wrong with you?” she yelled at Liz.  
“Jen… please…” Liz pleaded, untangling her fingers from Raymond’s and making a step forward.  
“Stop right here,” she warned, coldly. “I don’t want to know what excuses you think you have to justify this mess. I’m done. With both of you,” she said storming form the kitchen without another word.

Liz and Raymond heard the front door slam then a deafening silence fell on the house. Liz felt tears burn behind her eyes and she clenched her jaw, she wasn’t going to cry, not in front of Red. From the corner of her eye, she saw him walk to the coffee maker and pour two cups. He gave her one without a word and went to sit on a stool at the bar. They both knew what was coming next and they needed to brace against it. It was inevitable.  She went to sit next to him and he closed his arm around her shoulder, tucking her in his side. She curled her own arm around his waist and silently they waited.

They didn’t have to wait long, five minutes after Jennifer had left the house, the front door burst open, banging against the wall.

“Here we go,” Raymond whispered kissing tenderly the top of her head.  
“What the hell is going on here?”  
“Dad please,” Liz said leaving Red’s arms and getting up to face a furious Sam.  
“I don’t want to hear any ‘but dad’ here, Elizabeth. You gonna explain what’s going on, or I swear to God…”  
“Sam…”  
“Shut up! I’m not talking to you, boy!” Sam cut him off, his eyes focused on Liz only.  
“I’m pretty sure, Jen told you, so why asking?” Liz said, anger starting to show in her voice.  
“Because I want you to tell me she was wrong. I want you to tell me you’re not fucking a man old enough to be your father!” Liz recoiled at the hurt she could hear in her father’s voice. He seemed broken.  
“I’m sorry Dad,” she sobbed suddenly tears running down her cheeks. “I lov…”  
“No!” Sam cut her off. “You’re too young to know what love is, and you’re certainly not in love with that scum!” he yelled, grabbing her upper arms forcefully and pulling her from Raymond’s side.  
“You’re hurting her!” Raymond exclaimed taking a step to stop them.  
“Get off, you son of a bitch! Do not approach my daughter ever again or I’ll kill you, understood?” Sam spat, murder in his eyes. “You come with me, young girl, and don’t even think about arguing,” he added, dragging a crying Liz out of the house.

Raymond sat back on the stool, tears gleaming at the corner of his eyes. He had lost her. He had knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to talk about their affair to Jenny, but having her walk on them in bed was worst than anything he could have imagined. Since that day he had asked Lizzie to stay the night with him, he knew they were walking a thin line. They’d been playing with fire and finally got burnt. It was his own fault; he shouldn’t have begged Liz to stay but he was weak and loved her so much.

He raised his head from his hands when he heard the door open and close a few minutes later. He got up and spotted Jenny crossing the hall and heard her climb the stairs. He went after her, knowing that he had been a jerk with her earlier and if he didn’t try to mend things with her now, he would never be able to. He knew his girl well and she was capable of keeping a grudge going on for years. And that was far more important than the car he refused to buy for her sixteenth birthday.

He went to her door and knocked lightly.

“Jenny please, we need to talk,” he said when she didn’t answer.  
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” she retorted.  
“Open that door or I swear to God…” he began anger rising in his chest.  
“Or what?” she asked suddenly opening the door. “You already slept with my best friend, what’s next? You gonna beat me? Shut me out? What’s next?” she almost yelled, tears in her eyes.  
“Please Jenny, listen me out,” he begged, a fist crushing his heart in his chest when he saw the sadness in his daughter’s eyes. She seemed broken.

She looked at him, seeing him for the first time since the beginning of that nightmare. He seemed… old. Older than ever. His shoulders hanging sadly and tears in his eyes. She had never seen her father like that. She felt a pang of guilt before remembering why she was so angry with him.

“I’m listening,” she finally said, walking back in her room and leaving the door open for him to come in.

She heard him let out a sigh of relief and walk behind her.

“What are you doing?” he asked startled when he saw the half full suitcase open on the bed.  
“I’m going back to Quantico.”  
“But… It’s Christmas, you can’t…”  
“If you have something to say, say it now or leave,” she replied, her hands full of the clothes she was throwing in her bag.  
“I’m sorry for this morning, I really am,” he began.  
“You better be, Dad! What were you thinking when you decided to sleep with Liz?” she asked finally turning to face him.  
“It wasn’t planed, I swear to god, the first time it happened it…”  
“Wait! What? It wasn’t the first time? Do you mean you actually had an affair with my best friend for…” she stopped here, leaving him the care to fill the blank.  
“Five years,” he mumbled, lowering his eyes.  
“You more stupid than I thought, then,” she said shaking her head. “If only you had told me from the beginning…”  
“I tell you now, Jenny. Please understand,” he pleaded, reaching for his daughter’s hand.  
“It’s too late Dad. And you didn’t tell me; I fucking walked on you! That’s far from being the same,” she barked, ignoring his hand.  
“Please…”  
“No Dad. You lied to me. Even by omission it’s still a lie. When I was a child and you had to leave for your job you promised me something. Do you remember what it was?” she asked suddenly.  
“I promised you that since I couldn’t talk about my work, I would never hide anything from you in any other side of my life,” he whispered. “I’m sorry Jenny, I didn’t keep my promise and I’m really sorry. Please, don’t go. Stay for Christmas at least,” he begged fighting the tears he could feel burning behind his eyes.  
“I can’t Dad. I love you and that will never change. But right now, I hate you. You and Liz. I need some time alone to think about it,” she said, closing the zip of her suitcase and rolling it to the door.

Raymond didn’t say anything. Sitting on the edge of Jennifer’s bed, he watched his daughter walk out the room and a few minutes later, he heard the front door close behind her. She had left. He felt the first tear slide down his cheek when he heard her car start. A sob shook his body when he heard her drive away.

He let his tears run freely for a few minutes before drying them angrily. He stood up and went to the lounge. Once there, he poured a glass of Scotch and sat on the couch. It was far too early to start to drink, but he didn’t care, he had lost his daughter and Lizzie simultaneously and couldn’t begin to give a damn about the time of the day he started drinking. He planned to get smashed before noon and forget about this day.

“Merry Christmas,” he spat, his voice reverberating in the empty house before downing his glass in one long gulp.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK guys, so, some more angst coming and some fluff too.  
> Some Liz/Tom here, but it's definitively a Lizzington fic.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it :)

_10 years later_

Rain was falling silently on the graveyard when the black official car parked near by. She knew who it would be. Of course he wouldn’t have missed it. A sad smile spread on Liz lips when she saw the dark-skinned bodyguard/chauffeur get out and opening the back door. The tall figure of the man clad in a black uniform emerged from the car followed by a 30 years old blond girl; also dressed in an uniform. The five stars pinned at the man’s collar marked him as Fleet Admiral and the two stripes on the girl’s shoulders marked her as Lieutenant. But she didn’t have to see their stripes to know their rank.

The Admiral Reddington and his daughter were here to bid a last farewell to Sam Milhoan. After five years fighting against lung cancer, Sam had finally lost his last battle leaving Liz an orphan for the second time in her life.

“Who’s that?” the man standing at her side asked, squeezing her hand.  
“The United States Secretary of the Navy, the Admiral Raymond Reddington and his daughter Jennifer,” she replied her eyes on the two figures walking toward them.

She locked eyes with Raymond and everything she had tried to forget for ten years came back with full force.  She felt tears sting the back of her eyes and she clenched her jaw, bracing against the anger and sadness she felt growing in her chest.

After dragging her from Red’s house that Christmas Eve, Sam had locked her in her room, forbidding her to leave the house for days. They had spent their first Christmas at home instead of sharing it with the Reddingtons. When her break had been over, Sam had driven her back to Quantico – she had come with Jen’s car – in a heavy silence. When she had opened the front door, ready to apologize to her friend, she had found the apartment empty and a note on the breakfast counter.

Jennifer had left. In her note she had said that she couldn’t live with her anymore and needed some time alone so she had moved to the dorms at the Uni.  Liz had felt her heart broke a second time in a few days.  She had cried her eyes out for the loss of her lover and best friend. Soon after, Sam had decided to move from Virginia to Nebraska, selling the house and everything he couldn’t take with him. Liz had been crushed by his decision, she had grown up in that house, she had loved Red in that house and now somebody else would walk those halls and inhabit those rooms. It wasn’t fair. 

She felt dragged from her thoughts by two arms closing around her body forcefully.

“Oh my God, Liz I’m so sorry,” Jen whispered in her ear. “Why didn’t you tell me last time we had lunch together?”  
“He didn’t tell me it was that bad,” Liz replied, hugging her friend back, tears pooling in her eyes.

She had re-established her friendship with Jen after the young woman had graduated from the Navy Law Education Program and had been assigned her first case as JAG counsel. They had needed a profiler and Liz had been the one chosen for the case. The first few days had been awkward but after some night heads bent on files they had found how much they had missed the other. After the first time, they had chosen not to talk about Liz’s affair with Raymond anymore. It was past and they didn’t need to dwell on it.

“Milhoan,” Raymond greeted her when Jennifer released her and stepped back.  
“Admiral,” she replied, repressing a smile. It was their old routine.

They stayed facing each other for a few second before the smile won out and spread on their face. Raymond took a step forward and engulfed her in a hug. She buried her nose in his collar and breathed him in. She had missed his smell so much. She smiled against his neck when he kissed her on the top of her head. She had missed him so much.

Someone clearing their throat behind made them jump apart, guilt written on their face.

“I’ve missed you, Lizzie,” Raymond said smiling tenderly.

She smiled back before grabbing the hand of the man waiting next to her.

“Red, this is Tom Keen, my fiancé. Tom, this is Admiral Raymond Reddington, the US Secretary of the Navy.”  
“Sir,” Tom greeted him, his eyes going back and forth between the two of them.  
“Mr. Keen,” Raymond smiled slightly.

He was glad his Lizzie had found somebody to love her. He just hoped that man was the good one. He had to talk to Jenny, she seemed not to be surprised by the presence of that man; she must have been aware of his existence. Of course he knew his daughter and Liz had been working together on several cases and had kept contact since then, but Jenny never talked about Liz when she was with him. His position as SECNAV had allowed him to follow Liz career from afar but he had promised himself not to interfere with her private life and he would keep this promise. Yes, he had pulled some strings after taking his functions to make sure Liz and Jennifer would team up on his daughter’s first case but nothing more.

“It’s time,” Liz whispered when she saw the priest walk to the open grave behind them.

The ceremony went in a blur for Liz. She remembered Tom’s arm around her shoulders, Jen’s hand squeezing hers and Red’s presence behind her. She remembered blurred face after blurred face talking to her, offering their condolences, and always the heat of Red’s eyes on her. It was the only thing grounding her.

“Are you coming with us?” she asked Red, her eyes on the grave. The four of them were the last ones there and she could feel him close behind her.  
“I can’t, I have a meeting in D.C. later today, I’m sorry sweetheart,” he sighed sadly, closing his arms around her from behind.

She closed her eyes, and leaned against him, clasping his joined hands and squeezing lightly when she felt him nuzzle the side of her neck. She knew she shouldn’t indulge in such a proximity, not with Jen and Tom that close, but she needed him. She needed his strength and warmth.

“Raymond?”  
“Yes Dembe, I know,” he replied, taking a step back from Lizzie, his arms leaving her shoulders. “I have to go,” he smiled sadly.

Liz nodded silently and hugged him back when he took her in his arms once again, brushing his lips on her cheek.

“Thank you for coming, I know you’re busy,” she said when he released her.  
“I always have time for you Lizzie, remember that,” he said before turning to Tom. “Nice to meet you Tom, I hope we’ll have time to talk further in the future. Jenny?” he crooked an eyebrow at his daughter.  
“I’ll fly back to D.C. in a few day, I talked with the Admiral and she gave me some days off,” she replied before hugging her father tenderly.  
“Good bye old friend,” he nodded to the grave before leaving the graveyard and settling in his car.

Liz watched him walk away a knot in her throat. It had been the first time they had actually talked in ten years. Of course she had seen him on TV or at some events in D.C. but she had never had the chance to talk to him since that dreadful Christmas Eve. She was glad he had been able to come.

Tom’s arm sneaking around her shoulders made her jump. He smiled slightly before kissing her cheek.

“Are you ready? They’re waiting for us at your dad’s.”

She nodded and followed him to their car. Jenny let them take some advance and smiled ruefully, shaking her head before following them. They drove in silence, each of them lost in their own thought. Liz took a deep breath when they parked and Jen squeezed her shoulder from the back seat.

“I’m here if you need anything,” she said and Liz nodded thankfully.

They exited the car and walked to the open front door. Sam’s friends were already here drinking, eating and talking in small groups inside the house. Liz felt like a stranger here. Without Sam, the house seemed empty, as dead as its owner, she started to recoil when people began to acknowledge her presence but Tom’s fingers around hers dragged her onward. He had a strange frown at his brow when she looked at him, surprised by his attitude.  She shrugged her concern for her future husband and plastered a fake smile on her lips before greeting people. She had never understood that tradition. She didn’t understand why people chose to gather and talk about the lost one when all she wanted to do was to curl alone in a corner and cry. She missed Red’s aura, it would have been easier for her if he had been here.

Tom left her a few minutes later to grab a beer and she stood here, alone, watching her ‘guests’ smile and laugh around her. She felt sick. Her dad was dead and seeing Red had awakened long lost feelings in her. She felt lost.  She jumped when someone put their hand on her shoulder.

“Let’s go find some place calmer,” Jen whispered in her ear.

Liz nodded and the two of them navigated through the crowd to the stairs at the back of the room. She felt a pang of nostalgia when she opened the door of her bedroom. Even if she had been 25 when Sam bought the house and had never really lived here, he had made sure to have an extra room for her, it had been her room since the day he moved in. He had brought all her stuff from Virginia and put them back exactly at the same place in this new room. They sat on the bed; Jen’s hands clasped in Liz’s and looked around silently.

“What will you do with the house?” Jen asked, finally breaking the silence.  
“I don’t know. I know Sam would have wished for me to keep it, but I’m not sure I can,” Liz replied, getting up and walking around.

She stopped in front of a shelf full of stuffed animals and picked a small pink bunny. She turned it around and ran her finger on the scorched back of the plushy.

“It’s the only thing I have from my life before Sam,” she began. “I don’t remember much from that time, but some times I have dreams. The smoke, the heat, the arms of the fireman and this little guy. Sam told me one day that I spent days refusing to leave it after the fire. They let me keep it even if it was ruined beyond repairs. This little guy is the only thing I have from my parents, what do I have from Sam?” she asked, tuning to Jennifer, her eyes full of unshed tears.  
“You have a house full of memories, Liz,” she replied closing the distance between them and running a finger on the rabbit still in Liz’s hands.  
“I never lived here, Jen. Sam moved from our old house after… after… you know what,” she finished lamely not wanting to open an old wound.

Jennifer chose to ignore the allusion at her father and hugged her friend tightly.

“I have the weekend off, I’ll stay here with you and Tom and together we will put everything in order. You can decide later what you want to do with the house.”  
“Here you are!” Tom exclaimed opening the door before Liz could answer. “I was looking for you, everybody has left. What’s this awful thing in your hand Liz?” he asked when he saw the bunny.  
“Nothing, just an old memento from an other life,” she replied putting the plushy on its shelf. She knew Tom wouldn’t understand. “Let’s get back downstairs, I’m sure we have some clean up to do,” she added a meaningful stare falling on Jennifer.

The young woman nodded silently and followed Liz out the room. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Tom take the rabbit, turn it around and grimace at the sight of its burned side before putting back in place, shaking his head. He followed them soon after, closing the door behind him.

They spent the rest of the day cleaning and organizing the house. At some point, Tom left to order some take-outs at the local Chinese restaurant and they settled on the couch to eat, music playing softly in the background.

When Liz started to yawn, Tom took her hand and led her to the bedroom upstairs. It had been a long day, and all of them were exhausted. He helped her get out of her clothes and joined her in the bed. Taking her in his arms, he sighed.

“Thank you Tom,” she whispered against his throat.  
“What for?”  
“For being here, with me. I love you,” she mumbled brushing her lips on his skin.  
“Always,” he replied kissing the top of her head. “So the US Secretary of the Navy, uh?” he asked a few minutes later.  
“Hmhm.”  
“You didn’t tell me he was Jen’s father,” he said lightly.  
“The Reddingtons were our neighbours back in Virginia and Red was dad’s protégé when he was instructor in the Navy. Jennifer used to live with us when her dad had to leave for a mission,” she explained smiling softly at the fond memories of that time.  
“How come you never talked about him?” he asked, tracing soothing circles on her back.  
“Something happened on Christmas Eve ten years ago and Dad decided to move here, I was still in Quantico at the time and Red had just got his third star… Please Tom, I really don’t want to talk about it,” she said, looking him in the eyes before kissing his lips tenderly.  
“As you wish,” he sighed.

Once again she was hiding her past from him. Since she had begun working cases with the JAG office and got Jen back in her life she had been more secretive than ever. He wasn’t stupid, he knew something was off with this Admiral and was decided to find the truth. He sighed again when he felt her body relax against his; she had fallen asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely reviews.
> 
> So, no Red in this chapter, not in person at least. Mostly Jen and Liz and a little bit of Tom and Ressler.
> 
> Don't worry Red will come back in the next chapter :)

Four days later they were back in D.C. and in their life. At 6:30 am Liz slammed her alarm off and got out the bed without waking a snoring Tom next to her. She went to the kitchen and started the coffee maker, tuning the TV on. She was about to pour a cup when she heard _his_ deep voice coming from the speakers. Tuning around she smiled when she saw Red’s face on the screen. She laughed out loud when the camera zoomed out and she saw how he was dressed.

He couldn’t help it, he had always loved his theatrics and he hadn’t changed one bit in ten years. He was clad in a perfectly adjusted light grey three pieces suit with a fedora just a tone darker cocked smartly on his head, his ice blue tie emphasizing the pristine white of his dress shirt, his eyes hidden by amber sunglasses. He was mesmerizing as always and still talking with his hands she noted. A shiver ran through her body at the memory of how skilled he was with those hands.

“I haven’t seen you smile like that for a long while.” The voice behind her made her start.

She turned off the TV guiltily and faced Tom leaning against the doorframe, smiling at her. He was fully dressed in dark blue jeans and a plaid shirt. She cringed at the comparison her brain made. He wasn’t up to Red’s style by a mile.

“What was the smile about?” he asked closing his arms around her when she walked to him to kiss him good morning.  
“Nothing, something on the TV,” she replied, feeling his hands on her short-cladded ass.

He let her go and went to pour a cup of coffee.

“I’ll be late tonight, don’t wait for me,” she said, gulping down her coffee.  
“New case?” he asked, crooking an eyebrow.  
“No, dinner with Jen, she called yesterday, she needs some girls’ time,” she smiled. “Oh gosh! I’ll be late if I don’t get dressed!” she exclaimed looking at the clock on the microwave next to him. “Take the car, I’ll take the subway and Jen can drive me back tonight. Love you!” she added over her shoulder running up the stairs to their room.

Tom watched her disappear through the door, frowning. He waited until the door of the bathroom closed before turning the TV back on. He clenched his jaw at the screen. Reddington was talking with the dark-skinned man he had seen at the funeral, the brilliant smile on his lips making him appear years younger. He turned off the TV and slammed the remote angrily on the counter. What the hell was going on? And who was that man for Liz? He hadn’t bought the neighbour explanation, something was off in their relationship and he needed to know what.

“Shit!” he mumbled seeing the clock.

He grabbed the car keys on his way out and closed the door. Being a 4th grade teacher sucked sometime.

Liz exited the house half an hour later and made her way to the closest subway station. Not for the first time she whished for a second car. The twenty minutes ride from home to the J. Edgar Hoover building was hell. It was rush hour and the cars were crowded. She didn’t mind the brushes, not even the noise; it was the smell. That awful smell of people sweating in the stagnant air of the car, the mingling of aftershave and perfume aggressed her nose like anything else could. She left the train with relief and made her way to work.

“Hey Milhoan!” her partner greeted when she walked in the office they shared.  
“How have you been Ress?” she smiled, shredding her coat and opening the safe she kept her gun in. She had another one at home for her spare firearm but didn’t like to walk around with her gun strapped at her hip, even less in a crowded metro, when she wasn’t on duty.  
“Pretty good, thank you. Audrey and I went to visit some places for the wedding during the weekend,” he replied.

Liz shook her head at the dreamy expression on her partner face. Since he had proposed to his girlfriend he seemed to walk on clouds most of the time.

“I heard about your father, I’m sorry,” he said compassion written all over his face. “You ok?”  
“No, but I will, thanks Don,” she said smiling sadly.

She loved her partner deeply. Since she had been transferred from New York to Washington Ressler had been here for her, helping her navigate in the arcane of D.C. and find some kind of family here. It hadn’t been without hurt, of course. She came here as support on a case Ressler had been working on for years and she had been the one to find the missing piece and close it within a week. He had been furious at first but he had soon realized she had earned her spot at the D.C. office. She was good, better than him.

“So… I heard a strange rumor when I came in this morning,” he said waiting for her to look at him.  
“Is that so?” she asked noncommittally. She knew he loved to work his effects.  
“The US Secretary of the Navy seemed to have booked a plane unscheduled to Nebraska two days after you left…”  
“You know Nebraska is a wide state,” she evaded him.  
“Yeah, but rumor as it, it was a private matter and he went only with Agent Zuma, no backup. Everybody was a little crazy when he disappeared, you know?” he kept fishing, his eyes never leaving her blank face.  
“Everybody knows that Admiral Reddington is not the most… conventional of politician,” she replied looking for the file she was sure had been in her top drawer when she left last week. “Have you seen the Anderson file?”  
“Don’t try to deflect, Milhoan. The Anderson case can wait,” he warned frowning.  
“My my Agent Ressler, so serious about some gossip, I would never have guessed,” she laughed. “Alright, Red was in Nebraska because of my father. He was my father’s protégé in the Navy and later we were neighbours. I’ve known him since the day Sam signed the last paperwork for the adoption. Actually Red was with Sam when he came to pick me up at the orphanage, ” she explained taking pity in her partner.  
“Red? I’m pretty sure there’s a very interesting story behind that nickname. Does he have a pet name for you too?” he asked, his eyes shinning with mischief.  
“Stop it Ress! There’s nothing between the US Secretary of the Navy Reddington and me,” she replied a little too vehemently to really be honest. “I’m engaged to Tom and Red was there to pay his respect to his friend, that’s all,” she added sternly, closing the conversation.    
“No need to bite, Milhoan. I was just joking. I know you didn’t have a torrid love affair with a man old enough to be your father,” he said rising his hand in defense. “Here, the Anderson file, nothing new,” he added tossing the file across the desk.

Liz grabbed it with shaking hands. If only Ressler knew how close from the truth he had been. Pushing her fears away, she focused on the file.

Throughout the day she felt the eyes of her coworkers on her and whispers following her wherever she went. She heard Red’s name associated with hers multiple times in those whispers. When she finally left the office she felt exhausted.

“Liz!” Jennifer called from her car.  
“Coming!”  
“How was your day?” Jen asked when Liz finally sit in the passenger seat.  
“Awful. Yours?” she sighed.  
“Same. Let’s get some drinks, we deserve it.”

Jen drove for a few minutes before parking in front of her building. Liz was grateful her friend had chosen to go back home instead of a bar. She was too tired to deal with unwanted attentions from drunken men.

They settled on the couch, glasses of wine in hand and sighed. It was good to be home and not being the strong women everybody wanted them to be. At least together they could be themselves.

“So, awful day, uh?” Jen asked sipping her wine, watching Liz from the corner of her eye.  
“Yeah. I don’t know how, but they had discovered that your father came to the funeral and kept asking how I knew him and why I didn’t tell them,” Liz explained pouring another glass of wine.  
“And of course you can’t tell them,” Jen smiled sarcastically.  
“I told them the non censured part,” Liz groaned. “Sorry Jen, I know you don’t want to talk about… it,” she added when she saw her friend grimace.  
“It’s alright. I’ll live,” Jen smiled squeezing Liz’s hand.  
“What about yours?”  
“Never again will I take four days off. I couldn’t see my desk when I came to the office this morning. I swear those officers want my death!” she exclaimed. “I hate being the newbie there, they think they can give me their dirty job to do. If I see one more book on improper use of military material, I swear to God, I’ll kill someone. Don’t ask,” she added when Liz was about to ask for an explanation.  
“That bad?”  
“Yeah. They all think that I got that assignation because of my father. They don’t start to fathom how hard is it to be _the_ Admiral Reddington’s daughter. I actually thought about taking my mother’s maiden name when I graduated. I love my father but sometimes being his daughter sucks,” she ranted on between sip of wine.  
“To your father and being in his shadow,” Liz raised her glass.  
“To the great Raymond Reddington and his fucking shadow,” Jen clinked her glass with Liz’s. “Speaking of the devil,” Jen said grabbing her ringing phone from the coffee table.  
“Darth Vader theme song? Really?” Liz laughed.  
“He’s my father, isn’t he? Yes Dad,” she picked up the call. “Yes Dad, we came back safely,” she rolled her eyes at Liz. “Something you wanted or is it just a social call?” she asked, her frown deepening the longer Red kept talking. “Well I don’t know. Wait a minute please,” she said, muting her phone she turned toward Liz. “How do you feel about a very boring and official party next Saturday?” she asked.  
“I don’t know Jen. I’m not really the party style,” Liz replied frowning.  
“Please Liz, don’t let me go alone,” she pleaded. “Pretty please?” she added when Liz didn’t answer.  
“Alright! I’ll come!” Liz gave in at Jen’s begging.  
“Yes!” she hissed before unmuting her phone. “Dad? Still here? Yes I’ll come but I need a plus one,” she said winking at Liz. “No, I won’t tell you. Good bye Dad.”

Liz could still hear Red’s voice when Jen hung up.

“He’s so nosey sometime,” Jen sighed taking back her glass. “So you, me and a bunch of officials on a Saturday night? That’s gonna be a gas!” Jen proclaimed when the Darth Vader theme blared once again from her phone. “Yes Dad. No, not telling, bye!” she said and she hung up on him for the second time in less than five minutes.

Liz couldn’t help but picture Red frowning angrily at his phone and she burst in a fit of laugh, Jen joining her soon after.

“You’re just so bad with your poor father,” Liz laughed trying not to spit her mouthful of wine.  
“He deserves it, believe me,” Jen replied smirking proudly.  
“Oh shit! I should go home, Tom will be an ass if I return late. Can you drive me home or should I call a taxi?” she asked looking suspiciously the glass of wine in her friend’s hand.  
“Taxi,” she replied, downing her glass in one long gulp. “Definitively taxi or you could spend the night here” she smiled smugly.

Liz shook her head at her friend. She loved her deeply but a drunk Jennifer was really immature. She called a taxi, watching her friend pour the last of the wine in her glass.

“It’s his beard I think. Or maybe his glasses. I don’t like men with beard,” Jen mumbled with glassy eyes.  
“What are you talking about?” Liz asked concerned.  
“Tom. Something’s weird and I don’t know if it’s the glasses or the beard.”  
“Ok, time to sleep,” Liz said, dragging her by the arm to her bedroom.

She let her fall on the bed and tucked her in. She knew Jennifer didn’t like Tom; she had never hidden it, tolerating his presence because of her, but Liz whished she hadn’t talked about it just that day. With Red more or less back in her life she began to feel a little touchy about Tom.

When her phone rang to announce the taxi waiting for her, she kissed Jennifer on the forehead and left, closing the door silently behind her. She had to think about how she would tell Tom about the party. Party he wasn’t invited to. Liz sighed and looked through the window, watching the city pass by. She had four days to figure it out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, this chapter has been hell to write. 
> 
> It's actually the first part of the party, the second part will be posted tomorrow. It's already written so don't worry.
> 
> My beta challenged me to introduce some characters from another show I love and I couldn't resist. Sorry for the bunch of weird characters in this chapter. I promise, the next chapter is 99% Lizzington.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it :)

The week went by without hurt. Liz and Ressler had closed the Anderson case without any more casualties and her discussion about the party with Tom had been surprisingly smooth. When she had broached the subject with him, he had told her it was a perfect timing because he had to spend the weekend in Orlando for a conference. She had been a little hurt when she had realized he wouldn’t have asked her to come with him. But she had soon realized the hypocrisy of her reaction; she had been about to do the same. Tom had flown out on Friday evening and Liz had spent her first night alone in a long time.

She spent her Saturday with Jennifer hunting down the perfect dress and shoes for the evening. At times like that she wished to have joined the Army, it would have been easier to dress for such an event. Jen already had her dress uniform waiting for her at her apartment. She finally found what she was looking for in a small shop she would have missed if Jen hadn’t known about its existence.

She took a deep breath when the limo Raymond had sent them stopped in front of the red carped leading to _The Diplomatic Reception Rooms_. Jen squeezed her hand when a man in tuxedo opened the door. She took the hand he was offering and stepped out the car to be welcomed by a wall of flashes.

“Smile and follow me,” Jen murmured taking the lead, brushing lightly her hand on Liz’s back.

Liz plastered a smile on her face and followed her friend trying not to walk on the hem of her dress and fall in front of the journalists. She could hear some voices announcing the arrival of the SECNAV’s daughter and an unknown friend of hers. They entered the building and followed the crowd to the _Benjamin Franklin Dining Room_ where the reception was held.

“Oh my God,” she breathed when she saw the décor surrounding the guests.

Twenty-five round tables, big enough to welcome height guests each, stood at the end of the room, their pristine white tablecloth grazing the terracotta carpet. On the far end wall hung Benjamin Franklin’s portrait, the Great Seal of the United States was sculpted on the center of the ceiling and eight cut-glass chandeliers were illuminating the room. A small scene stood empty in a corner, violins, cellos and flutes waiting for their owner to come back from their break to entertain the elite of the US government.

“Here,” Jen said, putting a glass of champagne in her hand. “I know it’s a little overwhelming at first but you’ll get use to it,” she added when Liz gulped down her glass. “Champagne helps too,” she smiled.  
“No kidding. What am I doing here Jen?” she asked tuning to her friend.  
“You’re my plus one, Liz. Don’t worry they won’t eat you alive. They might try to chew on you a little, though. Just be yourself and everything will be alright,” she tried to reassure her. “What do we have?” Jen asked, her eyes roaming the room. “Generals, three and four stars, some Admirals too, a Colonel or two. Not bad,” she smiled. “What about the civilians now? I can see at least eight senators and three congressmen. Did I miss someone important? Is that Bill Gates there? Oh no, never mind.”

She looked at her when her friend stayed silent. Liz’s eyes were focused on something on the other side of the room, following her stare, Jen found the object of Liz’s attention.

“Isn’t that your boss, the Assistant Director of National Intelligence Alan Fitch, about to interrupt my father?” she asked smiling slightly.

On the other side of the room, Raymond was talking with an USAF General when a man in a black tuxedo approached them.

“Raymond! How have you been?”  
“Same as always Alan,” he smiled at the man nursing a glass of Scotch. “Something you wanted to talk about?” he asked a little coldly.  
“If you would excuse me,” the General nodded to Alan.  
“Of course Jack, we’ll discuss this later,” Raymond replied watching his friend walk to the stunning blonde waiting a few feet away clad in a Colonel uniform.  
“Just catching up with an old friend,” the politician replied smiling, ignoring the departing officer.  
“We’ve never been friends Alan, we’re just useful to each other. Speaking of that, do you have the information I asked for?”  
“Already so vindictive, Raymond,” Fitch laughed sarcastically. “Yes, I have it, I hope you’ll be a little bit more courteous next time I ask for a favor,” he said giving Raymond an envelope.

Raymond opened the unsealed flap and peeked inside before sliding it inside his vest, nodding his thanks to the ADNI.

“Where is your lovely daughter? I didn’t see her yet,” Alan asked looking around.

At that, Raymond focused entirely on the man facing him, his hard stare on him; he leaned forward entering his personal space.

“Do not approach my daughter, Alan, you might regret it. You may be useful, but I’m pretty sure I could manage without you,” he warned, his voice an octave lower than usual.

He had never liked the man. Since the moment he had been introduced to the arcane of the US Government he had learned to trust his instincts even more than when he was in the field. And his instincts had yelled not to trust this man as soon as he had met him. He was corrupt, as much as anybody else there, but his ties with the criminal world went deeper than he would have believed possible for someone in his position.

“I see you’re not in the mood for a friendly chat, maybe later then,” Alan said, patting Raymond on the shoulder, a clement smile on his lips before walking away.

Raymond hated those parties. That’s why he always invited Jenny, to divert unwanted ‘friendly chats’ with people he hated. His daughter had grown up surrounded by important people, since the moment he had won his fourth star, it had been mandatory for him to attend officials gathering and mingle with the elite and he had always come with his daughter. Those parties were her stage and she was able to distract almost any politician in a matter of minutes. But not today, today instead of being his plus one, she was coming with her own one. He felt dread coil inside him; his baby was growing up and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“Hello Dad.”  
“Jenny!” Raymond smiled, hugging his daughter tightly against his chest, kissing her cheek.  
“It’s good to see that you’re happy to see me,” she joked, hugging him back.  
“Always, darling,” he replied.  
“White, uh? Not a tinny bit ostentatious?” she asked taking in his appearance.

Where she had chosen her black dress uniform, he had chosen the white one. To be honest, he was rocking the hell out of that uniform but dramatically stood out in the sea of black, blue and khaki.

“I like the white one better,” he replied smiling smugly. “So, where’s your plus one?” he asked looking behind her to find the man his daughter had chosen to come with.

Jennifer smiled and crooked an eyebrow suggestively. Raymond looked at her puzzled when he felt a soft touch on his back. Turning around, he froze, mouth gaping. Lizzie was smiling shyly, her fingers knotted in front of her. She was wearing a floor-length one-strapped black gown, the bodice hugging her soft curves tightly. He looked her in the eyes, noting the few inches she had won thanks to her stiletto, and smiled.

“Lizzie,” he breathed, bending to kiss her on the cheek, his lips lingering a moment too long on her skin.  
“Hello Red,” she smiled.  
“My dear you are stunning!” he exclaimed, his eyes roaming her body.

He knew perfectly well what was hidden by the soft fabric of the dress and couldn’t help longing for it. He had spent years trying not to breach the barrier Jennifer and Sam had imposed between them. But after his short time with her in his arms in Nebraska he could feel his self-control tottering.

“Would you like something to drink, ladies?” he asked awkwardly when Jen cleared her throat.

He didn’t wait for their answer, disappearing in the crowd looking for one of the waiters.

“Just for the look on his face it was worth it,” Jennifer laughed, hugging a shivering Liz.

Liz frowned and looked at her friend suspiciously. Jen was planning something and she wasn’t sure to like being part of her schemes.

“Who’s that?” she asked nodding to two officers talking with a man that obviously wasn’t happy to be here.  
“The silver-haired man is the General Jack O’neill, he was talking with Dad when Fitch came in, remember? And the blonde is Colonel Samantha O’neill, his wife,” Jen explained. She had had the chance to meet the couple a few times before.  
“No. The man with long hair they’re talking to?”

Jen looked at the man Liz was talking about and shook her head. He was wearing black dress pants, a white dress shirt with a black waistcoat and no vest. His dark brown eyes seemed annoyed behind his glasses and he was scratching lightly at his beard.

“I don’t know but he’s not exactly fitting in here,” Jen said, eyes full of pity for the poor man.  
“Here you go ladies,” Red said handing them two glasses of champagne.  
“Thanks,” Liz smiled, her fingers brushing Red’s when she took the flute.

A shiver ran through her body at the touch and she felt flush creep up her neck. She had to stop that now! She was with Tom now; her body shouldn’t react like that to a simple touch of another man.

“Dad?”  
“Yes darling?” he asked, his eyes still on Liz a small smile at the corner of his lips; he hadn’t missed her reaction.

He knew perfectly well what he was doing, she realized suddenly, feeling anger rise slowly in her chest. She locked her hard eyes with Red’s soft ones.

“Who’s the guy talking with Jack and Sam?” Jen asked missing the silent battle going on between Liz and Raymond.  
“The Scottish guy? It’s Dr. Nicholas Rush, head of the mad scientists Jack has to work with,” he said finally looking at the trio arguing in hushed voices.

Three loud knock in the back of the room indicated to the guests it was time to get to their seat.

“Ladies.” Raymond presented his elbows, smiling smugly.

The women laughed at his theatrics and took his arms. He led them to their table and released Jenny, his now free hand closing on Liz’s. He took his fingers in his hand and lowered his head slowly, his eyes never leaving hers and brushed his lips on the back of her hand. When he felt her holding her breath and saw her dilated pupils; he couldn’t restrain himself. She startled when he added surreptitiously a brush of the tip of his tongue before releasing her hand.

“Behave Dad!” Jennifer warned, punching Raymond in the ribs when he finally let Liz slump on her chair in the most unladylike way she had ever seen, her jelly legs unable to keep her standing.  
“Son of a bitch,” Liz mumbled trying to steady her breath after that most unfair attack.

She didn’t know what he was playing at, but was pretty sure she wouldn’t like it. She straightened her back when she felt Red’s hand brush her bare shoulder, sending shivers down her spine, on his way to his chair beside hers, He was multiplying the soft touches and brushes tonight and she began to fear Jen’s reaction. She didn’t know why Red played with her like that knowing she was engaged to Tom and that his daughter wouldn’t accept their relationship.

The dinner went by at an awfully slow pace, courses interrupted by high-ranking politician praising their own good heart to be part of such an event. Liz could see military officers shaking their heads and politicians smiling broadly. Giving money for the orphans of the US Army meant something different when it could be your own child needing the help. Every officer in the room had lost at least a friend or a family member at war; they all knew how much those events meant for the soldiers and their family.

“Jen?” Liz whispered, waiting for her friend to face her. “How much did this this evening cost?” she asked suspiciously.  
“Eight thousands by seat,” Jen said casually sipping at her wine.

Liz choked on empty air at that, eight thousand fucking dollars for a meal at a boring event, she couldn’t believe it.

“You ok Lizzie?” Red asked, tracing soothing circles on her back when she finally calmed down.  
“No, I’m not. I need some air, I think,” she replied excusing herself before leaving the table.

As soon as she had left, Red moved from his seat to Liz’s.

“What was that about?” he asked Jenny, frowning.  
“She asked how much was worth a seat here. I told her,” she replied shrugging.

The Reddingtons were an old family inheriting their wealth for generations; Jennifer didn’t have the same approach about money as other, less fortunate, people.

“We already had this discussion Jenny. You shouldn’t have told her,” he said shaking his head.

He had spent month, even years, trying to make her understand what it meant to be that rich for other people, after he had inherited at his father’s death. Apparently he hadn’t been explicit enough because every now and then she would make a remark or an observation unsettling people around her.

“Yeah, talking about things people shouldn’t do. Don’t think I didn’t see what you did when you kissed Liz’s hand,” she scolded him and he had the good idea to look contrite. “I know I agreed to help you, but please Dad, don’t do anything that disgusting in front of me! She’s my best friend and I still have the urge to stab myself in the eye with an ice pick just thinking aboutthat Christmas Eve, I don’t need any more traumatic events in my life.”

The day after her evening with Liz, Jennifer had joined her father for their weekly lunch at their usual restaurant. After a few minutes, she had asked him blandly if he was still in love with her friend. After the scene she had witnessed at the graveyard and her time with Liz and Tom the weekend following the funeral, she had needed some answers. He had deflected a few times before lowering his head and nodding pitifully. It could have been laughable to see the great Raymond Reddington like that, but at the time Jennifer hadn’t felt like laughing. He had seemed a little bit broken, not really healed would be more exact. She had felt her heart bleed at the shadow in her father’s eyes when he had finally looked at her. She had made a mistake ten years ago and she was ready to fix it.

“I love you,” he laughed, side-hugging her on her seat.  
“I know but now, you should move your almighty Admiral ass and go find out where Liz went.” 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised the second part of the party's here!
> 
> Brace yourself guys, LOTS of fluff and UST in there!

Raymond found Liz on the balcony facing the city. She was looking out at the lights shining away, her arms closed around her body. He looked at her silently a few seconds, memorizing her silhouette. She was so beautiful. He knew he was puzzling her with his behavior, he knew it wasn’t fair to act like that, but he had his reasons and wasn’t ready to share them. She had to learn the truth by herself or she wouldn’t believe it. Sighing he walked to her side.

“Here you are,” he said, leaning against the stone guardrail.  
“What are you doing here?” she asked, her eyes still on the city.  
“I was looking for you, Lizzie.”  
“I had that at the ‘here you are’, Red. The question is: why?” she said finally looking at him.

He was looking at the city, his face half in shadow; his white short vest standing out in the night. She felt her breath hitch in her throat at the sight. She had always loved him in his uniform, but this one was her favorite. The tight cut of the vest emphasizing his board shoulders, the hem stopping short at his hips showing the golden of his cummerbund followed by black pants and shiny black dress shoes. He had put back his white gloves and hat on, she noted. She felt a shiver run up her spine and closed her arms tighter around her. That’s when he chose to turn to her.

“You’re freezing,” he said seeing the goosebump spread on her exposed skin. “I would have loved to be a gentleman and give you my vest but those are hell to wear so… come here sweetheart,” he said opening his arms for her.

She hesitated a few second before giving in. Even if she didn’t understand what he was playing at, even if she would feel guilty in the morning, she needed him. She loved Tom, but was craving Red’s attentions and presence and it was innerving her. She walked to him, curling her arms around his waist, her head buried in his neck; she breathed his scent deeply when he closed his arms around her. It felt good, even right.

“How are you?” he breathed against her hair, his gloved hands caressing her back.  
“I miss him,” she replied knowing what he was really asking. “Things had never been the same between us after that day, but we had mended our relation the best we could. I just would have hoped it hadn’t been so fragile,” she murmured, her fingers playing with the medals at his breast.  
“I’m sorry sweetheart,” he breathed kissing the top of her head.  
“It’s not your fault, Red. We were two in this affair and I don’t regret anything about what we lived, only the fallout. If I hadn’t pushed you that first night…” She stopped there, feeling her eyes fill with tears.  
“They would have found out eventually, Lizzie,” he said pulling her closer.

She nodded, her nose brushing the thin skin of his neck. She had played every possible scenario in her head over the years, every ‘what if’ and every time, it ended the same. They had been doomed from the beginning and she had realized over the time that they had been lucky to be able to hide the truth for that long.

“What are you playing at, Red?” she asked rising her head from his shoulder to look at his face.  
“What do you mean?” he evaded her question.  
“The touches, the looks, you here with me on this balcony, when you spent ten years avoiding me?”

She could feel the hurt rise in her chest. She had spent ten years hoping for him to come to her, every time they had been in the same room, she had hoped he would come to talk, but he never did. She would see him in the news, a new girl at his arm every time, or with Jen at some official party she was attending too and Jennifer would at least nod to her, but he never acknowledged her presence. And now that she had found a loving man and was happy with him, he decided to mess with her feelings. She couldn’t begin to understand his motivations.

“I’m not playing, sweetheart,” he finally murmured, looking her in the eyes.  
“I should go,” she murmured, evading his arms when he started to bend his head.  
“Lizzie, wait!” he called and she froze, her back to him.

He walked to her and put his gloved hands on her shoulders, playing with the strap of her dress. They stayed immobile a few minutes, his heat burning her back. She startled when she felt his breath then his lips on her bare shoulder.

“We never had the chance to dance. Please dance with me,” he pleaded his lips grazing her skin, sending fire pool in her belly.

She hated the power this man had over her. She had thought to be happy with Tom, but she realized he had never been able to make her feel like Red could. With him, she felt loved and beautiful; something Tom had not been able to make her feel in a long time.

She nodded silently and he let his hands slid from her shoulders and closed his fingers around hers. Silently he led her back in the dinning room. They realized they had been out longer than they thought when they saw the diner was over and the musicians were back on the stage, playing softly. A few couples were dancing and he led her in that direction. She frowned when she saw him nod to Jennifer, still sitting at their table, but forgot everything the moment he put his hand on her back, and pulled her against his chest. If it was the last time she could be that close to him, she would enjoy that time, guilt could wait until morning.

He was holding her close, their bodies brushing every time they moved with the music, his hand on her back, his thumb tracing small circles on her spine. She sighed and he closed the distance between them, pulling her flush against his chest. Not for the first time since he had joined her on the balcony, Red wished he wasn’t wearing his gloves.

She closed her eyes and put her head on his shoulder, her fingers playing lightly with the short hair at the nape of his head. It felt good, oh so good to be in his arms, to be held by him, even loved. She knew she had no right to feel that good with a man that wasn’t her fiancé, but at that time, she didn’t care, all she wanted was to enjoy herself. Absent-mindedly she brushed her lips against his neck and she felt his hand move lower on her back than appropriate in such an event. She smiled against his skin; his neck had always been his soft spot.

“Red,” she breathed her nails scratching at his scalp and she felt his hand tightening around her.

He was losing control. If she didn’t stop right now, his next move would be to find an empty room and fuck her hard against the wall. He could feel his trousers tightening with his growing arousal and if she kept going like that, it was a matter of second before she felt it. Thankfully the song ended and they had to part before anything drastic happened. They stopped moving and she raised her head from his shoulder, looking him in the eyes.

“I should go,” she whispered.  
“You should,” he nodded in a husky voice.  

But they didn’t move, eyes locked, they were standing in the middle of the dance floor, in a room full of high ranking officers, politicians and businessmen and they didn’t care. He ran his hands slowly up her body, running a finger tenderly against her throat. Her head cradled in his hands, his thumb brushing against her cheek, he bent his head and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

“I love you,” he breathed against her skin.

The eyes she didn’t realized she had closed shot open at that and she felt guilt flood in her. What was she doing? She was engaged to a sweet man who loved her and she was flirting with another man in the middle of a crowded room. She had to leave before doing something stupid. She took a step back and, evading Red’s eyes, turned around to leave.

“Be careful with your fiancé, Lizzie,” he said, seeing her stop a few feet away before watching her exit the room.

“Wow! That was… weird,” Jen exclaimed when he went back to their table. “But good weird, I mean… Dad? Are you ok?” she asked when he didn’t say anything.  
“I don’t down, darling,” he sighed, emptying the glass of Scotch he had left there when he went to find Lizzie on the balcony. “I don’t know what to do with her. And I don’t know what to do with this,” he said taking out from his vest the envelope Fitch had given him earlier.  
“Oh, that’s what you were doing with Fitch then, I was wondering. May I see it?” she asked.

He didn’t say anything but gave her the envelope and waited.

“Son of a bitch,” she breathed when she saw what was inside. “I knew I was right when I overheard that phone call,” she added angrily. “What do we gonna do?”  
“I don’t know, Jenny. I want to tell her, but she won’t believe me. She will think it a scheme to win her back. She has to find out by herself. And we have to be here for her when everything starts to fall apart,” he said shaking his head tiredly.

He hated playing with people life, even more when he was so close to them, but he had no other choice than wait. He knew he had planted a seed when he had told her to be careful with Tom, he only hoped it would be enough to make her see the truth. He glanced one last time at the pictures in Jenny’s hand before reaching for the envelope and putting it back in his vest. Wait and see, said the adage.

“We should go home,” he said finally and saw Jennifer nod.

When she left the building, Liz asked a valet to call a taxi and waited for the car to arrive. Her thoughts were upside down, she didn’t know how to react at Red’s declaration. He had said he loved her and she couldn’t understand how those three simple words could unsettle her life that much. Her life was perfect two weeks ago. Sam was alive and she had happiness with Tom, but now her life was a mess because of Raymond Reddington, his pretty words and soft touches.

And what did he mean when he told her to be careful with Tom? They had met for the first and only time at Sam’s funeral and didn’t exchange more than ten words. She didn’t know what was going on and she didn’t like to feel that powerless. She had always been in control of her life, the master of her fate, and now, with three little words and an obscure warning, Red had taken that control from her. She hated him for that but couldn’t help the heat she felt spreading in her belly at the thought of his declaration. She was screwed and she knew it.

“Your taxi’s here, ma’am,” the valet said, pulling her out of her thoughts.  
“Thank you,” she said, slipping a bill in his hand before walking to the car. She needed to sleep, and hoped everything would be clearer in the morning.

 

****

The couple was lounging in the bed on this Sunday morning, their limbs entwined after their morning lovemaking. The woman moved to grab the remote on the nightstand and turned on the TV.

“Turn it off, Lucy,” the man pleaded, kissing her lightly on the shoulder.

She ignored him and start going through the channels, looking for something interesting. She stopped on a talk show relating an official party held the night before in D.C. and her eyes went wide in shock.

“Tom!”  
“Hmm” he mumbled kissing her neck.  
“Tom! Look at the screen! Isn’t that your fiancée?” she asked finally catching his attention.  
“What the fuck,” he said grabbing the remote to turn up the volume.

 _“We still don’t know who that woman is, but our sources inside the_ _Benjamin Franklin Dining Room reported that she had been very close to the Admiral Reddington during the whole event, if you know what I mean,”_ the host said, winking at the camera. _“We saw her arriving in a limo with Jennifer Reddington, the Admiral’s daughter, earlier that night,”_ she added showing some pictures of the two women walking down the red carpet, _“but as you know, journalist weren’t allowed inside the building so we don’t have any footages of the party itself. But…”_ she took a melodramatic pause there _, “we had been able to find some official pictures showing the two of them dancing later that night. Brace yourself ladies, they’re hot!”_ she exclaimed, smiling broadly.

The screen split in two at that and a picture of Raymond and Liz showed on the TV. He had one hand on the small of her back, the other securing hers on her chest. His cheek was resting on the top of her head and he was smiling tenderly, his eyes closed. And she wasn’t in a less compromising position. She was plastered against his body, her hand on the back of his head, her face buried in his neck, the picture showed clearly her lips brushing his skin.

_“So what do you think, ladies? Is the most coveted bachelor in town not available anymore? Who is that girl who had been able to get her hands on Raymond Reddington? If you know her, please call…”_

Tom turned off the TV angrily and threw the remote across the room.

“I knew it! I knew something was off with that son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill him and make her watch!” he burst out, leaving the bed and putting on jeans.  
“Calm down Tom. What do you care? You don’t love her anyway,” Lucy said sitting against the headboard.  
“Of course I love her, you silly! And no one cheat on me!” he yelled looking for his shirt.  
“But you said…” she began in a small voice.  
“What? Did you think I would leave my fiancée for you just because we fucked a few times? You’re more stupid than I thought then,” he spat, starting to throw his clothes in the open suitcase on the floor.

Lucy felt the sting of tears burn behind her eyes and watched Tom close angrily his luggage. Without a word, he grabbed his wallet, took his suitcase and left the room. She curled into the mattress, tears running freely on her cheeks and cried out when a sob wrecked her body.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is back guys! 
> 
> There's some violence in here but nothing too bad, I think. 
> 
> Oh... and Tom is an asshole, it had to be said.

When Liz woke up that Sunday morning, she felt exhausted and frustrated. Her night had been hell, tossing around in her bed and waking up between strange dreams about Red and Tom. In her dreams, Red had kept asking the same question again and again: _Who do you want? Who do you really want?_ The few times she had been able to mumble a soft ‘you’, Red had climbed in the bed with her and started to kiss her, running his hands on her body, discarding her clothes one by one to leave her naked. And every time he had done so, the door had burst open, revealing an angry Tom with a gun pointed at them.

She finally fell asleep at dawn and woke up around noon as exhausted as if she hadn’t slept at all. She immediately went to the bathroom thinking that maybe a long hot shower would soothe her aching muscles. She then slipped on jeans and hoodie and went to the kitchen. She needed coffee, lots of coffee. On her way through the lounge, she spotted her phone blinking silently on the coffee table. Frowning, she went to swipe her finger on the screen and shrugged seeing missed calls and texts from Red and Jen. She’d check them after her morning – noon – coffee.

She was drinking her second cup when she finally decided to check her messages. She picked up her phone and unlocked it; she smiled when she heard Red’s voice asking if she had made it home safely and Jen’s scolding her father in the background for being overprotective. The next messages were from the two of them asking her to call back as soon as she was up. Frowning, Liz listened to the last message from Red. The tone was slightly more worried than the others and a lot more pressing.

_“Lizzie please, pick up that damn phone! I need to talk to you now! Please Lizzie, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, those photos… I’m sorry. Please be careful…”_

She jumped when the front door burst open, banging against the wall and dropped the phone. The door slammed close and she saw a furious Tom march into the room. He threw his suitcase in a corner and looked at her, icy eyes drilling hole in hers.

“Tom! You scared me!” she exclaimed a hand on her racing heart. “You’re here early,” she said smiling. “What’s wrong?” she asked when he didn’t answer.  
“What’s wrong?” he hissed his hands fisting at his sides. “You’re asking _me_ what the fuck is wrong?” he yelled walking toward her.

At the anger in his eyes, she couldn’t help but take a step back.

“Tom please, stop, you scare me,” she pleaded, hands raised in defense. “Tell me what’s going on,” she asked looking around to find a way out.  
“Why are you looking around like that? Am I interrupting something? Is he still here?” he asked, his voice rising with each question.  
“What the hell are you talking about? Who’s still here?” she demanded, pushing him back when he entered her personal space.  
“Don’t play innocent Liz. I know.”  
“Explain yourself, for God’s sake!” she burst suddenly.

He snickered, shaking his head. His eyes never leaving her, he sneaked his hand in his jacket, took out a magazine and threw it on the coffee table.

“Fuck,” she breathed when she saw the cover. Red and she dancing.  
“You said it! And you haven’t seen the best part!” Tom said, taking back the magazine and opening it on the central double page.

Liz closed her eyes, bracing against the guilt she felt rising inside her chest. She opened her eyes when Tom threw the magazine in her hands. _Red-handed Reddington,_ said the headline followed by five photos of the two of them together. She scanned rapidly the article and sighed with relief out when she realized they didn’t know her name.

“You’re sleeping with him,” Tom said in a deadly cold voice.  
“I’m not, Tom! I swear! Red is just a friend!” she replied in shivering voice.  
“DO. NOT. LIE. TO. ME!” he yelled. “I know the truth Liz. Don’t you dare to lie.”  
“You know nothing!” she yelled back, finally losing it. “You see some pictures in a fucking magazine and you jump to conclusions! We are supposed to trust each other! How do you think I feel when you throw accusations like that!?” she yelled her finger jabbing his chest with every word.  
“How do you feel? Really? And how do you think I felt when Lucy Brooks showed me this this morning? How do you think I felt when my coworkers started to whisper behind my back because my so lovely fiancée is a fucking CHEATER!” he barked closing his fingers around her wrist.  
“Lucy Brooks…” she laughed sarcastically trying to free her hand from his grip. “Let me go,” she hissed when he tightened his fingers.

She felt fear explode in her guts when she saw his snarl. She knew what was coming next; she had seen cases like this at work. Her training kicking in, she moved her head instinctively when she saw his fist coming and instead of her bones cracking under his blows, she heard his hand crash on the wall behind her. Tom’s cries erupted in the room and he took a step back cradling his broken hand on his chest. He was walking back to her when she saw with relief the dark silhouette of Agent Zuma appear behind them and grab Tom by the shoulder to punch him in the face, throwing him on the floor.

“You ok?” he asked.

She nodded, shaking from head to toes and watched him walk to the couch and bend to pick something from the floor. Her phone she realized when the brought it to his ear.

“Yes, she’s safe,” he said before hanging up and putting the phone in his pocket.

She slid against the wall, tears running freely on her cheeks, her head buried in her knees. She startled when she felt too strong arms close around her. Opening her eyes she caught Dembe’s concerned look.

“I’m going to pick you up now,” he warned before lifting her in his arms.

She closed her arms around his neck, her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. He walked to the car parked half on the sidewalk and sat her on the back seat before settling behind the wheel. She was too exhausted to wonder how he could be here and where he was driving her. She must have fallen asleep because she startled awake when once again she felt arms around her carrying her out of the car. She sighed and relaxed when Red’s scent hit her nose. She was safe now.

“Is she ok?”  
“Yes Miss Jenny, I stopped him in time,” Dembe said, standing next to Jen, their eyes following Raymond walking up the stairs with Liz in his arms.

Jennifer smiled at the Agent. He had been with them for many years now, being assigned to Raymond’s protection when he started to rise through the ranks and she had told him many times to drop the ‘Miss’ but he kept calling her Miss Jenny.

When Liz woke up later that day, she felt ultimately lost. Looking around, she took in the strange décor, not recognizing anything; she felt fear curl inside her belly. And then, she smelled it; _his_ scent, Red’s scent and everything came back painfully. The party, the pictures, Tom, his anger, his stare, his hand around her wrist, the noise of his fingers breaking, Agent Zuma, she suddenly felt sick. Her eyes pooling with unshed tears, she curled beneath the blankets, her nose buried in Red’s pillow, she breathed deeply, waiting for his scent to calm her. It never missed to work. After a few minutes, she felt the tears recede and her throat loosen.

She finally left the bed and went to look for her friends. She found them in the lounge, Jen sitting on the couch watching TV, Red walking around the room, his phone glued to his ear and Dembe reading silently in an armchair by the window. Dembe was the first to spot her leaning against the doorframe; he nodded silently before going back to his book, but his discreet movement attracted Jen’s attention. She turned around and seeing Liz, jumped out of the couch and ran to hug her. She hugged her friend back, smiling at Red who had finally spotted her.

“Liz! Oh my God! I’m so sorry! We tried to warn you but you didn’t answer!” Jennifer said crushing her against her chest.  
“I’m sorry, I slept late and then…” Liz tried to explain.  
“No, no, it’s not your fault! We should have come as soon as we saw the pictures. If I ever see that son of a bitch…”  
“Language Jennifer!” Raymond scolded, putting his phone on the counter beside him. “Go find something to drink for Liz,” he said sternly.

It was the first time Liz remembered seeing Red actually scold his daughter; when they were young, he never raised his voice against Jen when she was with them. She felt like witnessing something private.

“Yes Dad,” Jen replied walking to the kitchen her back straight.

She didn’t have the time to think about what just happened because Red took Jen’s place and closed his arms around her.

“I was so worried,” he breathed against her neck. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come myself, I’m so sorry. I should have been here.”  
“How did you know?” she asked in a small voice, feeling overwhelmed by his presence.  
“You called me. Don’t you remember?” he replied raising finally his head to look in her eyes.  
“I didn’t…” she began. “Oh, I must have hit the call back thing when I dropped the phone. I don’t even know how it works,” she said.  
“Be grateful you did, sweetheart,” he said with relief kissing her forehead.  
“Oh for God’s sake! Get a room!” Jennifer exclaimed coming back with a glass of water.

Her fingers brushing tenderly against his cheek, Liz smiled and left the security of his arms. She went to take the glass Jen was handing her and followed her friend to the couch. Red joined them a few seconds later, taking place next to Liz; he turned off the TV and closed his arm around her shoulders.

“What are you going to do about Tom?” Red asked, tracing circles on her shoulder.  
“I don’t know. I really don’t. One side of me doesn’t want to see him again, ever. And the other side keeps whispering that it was a one time event and he had real reasons to be angry,” Liz said, shaking her head, confused.  
“He tried to punch you in the face,” Jen said angrily. As soon as Liz had been put in bed, Dembe had told them what happened.  
“I know and I will never forget that, Jen. But we’ve been together for three years; we’re engaged,” she said tears in her eyes.  
“He tried to hit you. Period. There’s nothing that can excuse that,” Jen said.  
“I can’t scrap those years on a whim, I need to think it through.”  
“Then I have something to show you,” Jen said leaving the couch and walking out the room.  
“Where’s she going?” Liz asked.

Red sighed but didn’t answer. He knew perfectly where Jenny had gone. He wasn’t sure to be ready for what was coming but knew how stubborn his daughter can be when her mind was set on something. She came back a few minutes later an envelope in hand. She sat back on the couch and turned to Liz, catching Red’s eyes behind her. She crooked an eyebrow and he nodded slightly. They had no other choice now.

“What’s that?” Liz asked pointing the envelope.  
“Look Liz, it won’t be easy. I’m sorry but it’s gonna hurt like a bitch. But you need to know the truth because you’re about to take a decision here and you need to hold all the cards,” Jennifer said, opening the envelope.

Slowly, she took out five pictures and laid them on the coffee table facing them.

“Her name is…” Red began.  
“Lucy Brooks, I know,” she cut him off. “She works with Tom,” she said, looking at each picture with calm. “Excuse me,” she said after a few seconds of silence.

She left the room without a word and walked down the hall to find an empty room. She didn’t know the house, but was pretty sure to find a guest room not far from where she had woken up. She found it two doors down Raymond’s room. She closed the door silently behind her and walked to the bed, sitting there, she finally let the tears run from her eyes.

How could have she been so stupid? She was a trained profiler; one of the best at the Bureau and the man she lived with had fooled her. She had never liked that Lucy Brooks girl. From the first time she had met her at Tom’s school Christmas Party last year she had known something was wrong with that girl. She had been all over Tom from the moment they walked in and nothing Tom had said about her loneliness and the fact he was her only friend at work, had settled her mind. And now she had proofs. Actuals proofs of his infidelity. And he had dared to call her a cheater!? How could have she been so stupid?

Liz suddenly felt exhausted; she had slept half the day off but couldn’t fight the tiredness she felt growing in her. Slipping under the blankets, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

“It was a little harsh, don’t you think?” Raymond asked his daughter when Liz left the room.  
“There’s no easy way to break such a new Dad, and you know it,” she replied, worried eyes on the door. “It’s better than walk on them, though” she added sarcastically and Raymond chose not to reply. “She will need time to recover, though. Can you do something for her?” she finally asked.  
“After everything you said about using my position to pull some strings?” Raymond asked, crooking an eyebrow and smiling smugly.  
“Just do it Dad. And stop gloating about it ok?” she replied tiredly.

She had always refused to use his position to help her. She didn’t want to be labeled _Daddy’s girl._ But for Liz she was ready to use every ounce of influence her father could muster. Nodding Raymond went to pick his phone from the counter and speed dialed Liz’s boss.

“Harold? I’m sorry to bother you on a Sunday evening, but I need a favor. Yes, it’s about Agent Milhoan,” he said after a few seconds of silence, closing his eyes. “I’m sure you saw the pictures. Her fiancé saw them too,” he said sternly, jaw clenched. “No, I won’t tell you anything more about that, you’ll have to ask her. And that’s the point where I ask you that favor. I need you to give her some days off.” He listened patiently Assistant Director Cooper complaining about losing his best agent for an undefined amount of time until he had enough. “Look Harold, I tried to ask nicely. Let’s try another way. You’ll give Agent Elizabeth Milhoan a week off. Find an excuse, dispatch her to my office if you have to, but she needs to rest. Do we understand each other Harold or should I call ADNI Fitch?” he asked his voice an octave lower than usual. “I was sure you’d see it that way. Thank you Harold, have a nice night,” he said hanging up.  
“Wow Dad, that was… wow,” Jen laughed going to hug Raymond.

He kissed her on the forehead and smiled tenderly.

“Raymond?” Dembe interrupted them from the door. He had left at some point during the conversation with Liz.  
“Yes Dembe?” Raymond asked letting go of Jenny and tuning toward the bodyguard.  
“I spent five years asking you not to call me Miss Jenny anymore, you never complied and you call him ‘Raymond’? What’s wrong with you Dembe?” Jen asked scandalized.  
“Leave him alone Jenny. I threatened to fire him and send him to the FBI office in Juarez if he didn’t quit calling me Mr. Reddington or worse,” he smiled smugly.  
“Oh God do you remember the time he actually called you Mr. The United States Secretary of the Navy Reddington? I thought you would have a stroke,” Jennifer laughed rapidly joined by Raymond, looking at the impassible dark skinned man waiting for them to stop laughing at him.  
“I sorry Dembe, I’m really sorry!” Raymond said finally able to speak without bursting in a fit of laugh. “But admit it was really awkward,” he said, making the man give a faint smile at least. “Sorry, sorry. What did you want?” he asked seriously.  
“I just wanted to know if you needed me tonight?” Dembe asked.  
“No, you can have your night off. And tomorrow too actually. I’ll call the office and tell them to reschedule my meetings. Thank you Dembe, and sorry again,” Raymond said feeling a hint of guilt after making fun of his friend.  
“Thank you, Raymond.”  
“I should go too,” Jennifer said.  
“You’re not staying the night?” Red asked, an unexpected unease rising.  
“I’m not you Dad. I can’t reschedule my day on a whim. Some people have to actually work, you know?” she replied smirking. “I’ll be back tomorrow evening,” she added kissing her father goodbye before following Dembe on his way out.

Raymond sighed looking around the empty room he was standing in. He had always loved the privacy and loneliness that came with the position. But seeing his daughter walk out his house every now and then made him realized she had grown up. She had a life of her own and couldn’t stay with her old daddy when he felt lonely. And there was the Lizzie problem too. She was spending the night here and in the past she had always ended up in his bed.

Sighing again, he poured a glass of Scotch and sat on the couch. His eyes fell immediately on the picture still on the table. Making a pile of them, he put them back in the envelope; he didn’t want to see them any more, and if he weren’t sure Liz would want them to confront Tom, he would have burnt them.

When his glass stood empty in his hand, he left the room and walked to his room. He didn’t know what to do if, when he opened the door, Liz was there. She didn’t know the house and the only rooms she had been were the lounge and his bedroom. He slowed his pace and stopped at the door. He opened it silently and looking inside, frowning at the empty bed. Where was she? Leaving the door slightly ajar, he went down the hall to Jen’s room finding it empty too. This level had only five doors and two of them were bathroom. He walked to the last door and opened it silently. Inside the room, buried under the blankets, laid Lizzie.  He walked silently to the side of the bed and watched her sleep for a moment; taking in the stains of tears on her cheek, he felt his heart tighten.

“I’ll make him pay,” he breathed in the dim lighted room.

She moved at his soft voice and he froze not wanting to wake her. When she settled back he bent to kiss her on the forehead and she sighed. Leaving the room, he closed the door silently behind him and headed to his own room. He was suddenly exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what's coming next, right?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is back!
> 
> I always forget how hard writing smut is until I have to write such a chapter. I hope you'll like it.

Liz’s eyes popped open in the middle of the night, a thin layer of sweat covering her body from head to toes. The nightmare had been awful. Tom had finally found her and tried to finish the job. His hands around her throat squeezing slowly the life out of her was only thing she could remember. She felt dirty. Leaving the bed and its soaked pillow, she went to find a bathroom. She needed to shower off his hands from her body. She didn’t go to Red’s, not wanting to wake him up, but walked down the hall to Jen’s bathroom. The room was in perfect condition even though she could see that it hadn’t been used in quite a long time. Jen didn’t live here anymore so Red had stocked it with generic supplies. The hot water did marvels on her body and mind, erasing the last remains of her relation with Tom, she watched her past metaphorically disappear down the drain and was ready for her future when she stepped out the cabin. 

Once dried, she looked around, trying to find some clothes to put on. She had slept in her jeans and hoodie and didn’t want to put them back on. They were part of her past and she didn’t want anything from that period. She finally wrapped a towel around her body and left the room. Her fingers running against the wall in the darkness, she stopped in front of the third door on the left and waited. She wasn’t sure how he would react. What if he didn’t want her anymore? What if Tom had spoiled her for every other man? What if he had changed his mind?

Too many questions were running in her mind, and her resolution started to flatter. _What if._ Finally summoning some courage, she pushed the door open and tip toed inside. The full moon shining outside the window painted the room in a scale of greys when she closed the door behind her. There was no way she would back out now. She looked at Red’s sleeping form under the blankets and smiled. He was sprawled on his belly, his arms under the pillow, his mouth slightly open; he was snoring lightly.

Smiling, Liz walked to the armchair by his bed and picked a perfectly folded white shirt. She definitely couldn’t sneak in his bed with a damp towel. She let it slide from her body, and put on the shirt. It smelled like him. She inhaled deeply closing a few buttons at her breasts. She went to sit on the edge of the bed and he moved and grunted when the mattress dipped under her weight. She traced a finger from his temple to the back of his head and stopped at the puckered scar a bullet had left on his shoulder a long time ago.

When they had started their affair, she had spent a night asking him where all the scars and marks on his body came from, and he had told her every story behind them. She knew this one was 37 years old and still bothered him when it was humid outside. She kissed it and he breathed her name in his sleep at the touch of her lips on his skin. Smiling she brushed her lips along his shoulder blade felling him stir under her ministrations and she finally felt him take a sharp breath. He was awake.

“Lizzie?” he said, turning on his side to look at her.

She smiled and sneaked under the blankets, facing him; she ran a finger through his chest hair watching a puzzled look spread on his face. He was still half asleep she realized. She moved closer and brushed her lips against his waiting for him to realize he wasn’t dreaming. It took him ten seconds to respond and capture her lips in a searing kiss. His tongue slipped inside her mouth and she moaned when it brushed against the roof of her mouth. He hadn’t forgot what she liked the most.

“Lizzie Lizzie, stop!” he hissed, breaking the kiss, when she closed her fingers around his hardening cock.

She looked at him surprised, withdrawing her hand, frowning.

“Wait!” He grabbed her wrist when she sat up. She hissed, jerking her hand from his grip. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Please come back here,” he said grabbing her hand instead and kissing the marks Tom had left around her wrist. “Please,” he pleaded when she looked at him.

She lay beside him and waited. He was running his fingers on her forearm, tracing her fingers, the lines in the palm of her hand, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I need to be sure it’s not just a rebound thing, Lizzie,” he said playing with her engagement ring. “I’m really… possessive, as you might have noticed. If we do this now, I need to know it’s not a one-night stand. I need to know you won’t leave me in the morning. Are you sure it’s really what you want?” He looked so uncertain.

She smiled at the question. It was a variation of the habitual question he used to ask every time she went to him in the past. She withdrew her hand from his and slowly slid her ring off, looking at it a few second before throwing it across the room, definitively closing the door on her past with Tom.

“I’m yours, as long as you’re mine,” she whispered against his lips, stealing soft kisses between each word.  
“I won’t ask for the rest of your life, Lizzie. You’re young and…”  
“Shut up Red, you talk too much,” she cut him off.

She pushed him on the back, straddling his hips; she kissed his chest, nipping at his skin lightly when she felt his hands on her hips. She could feel his growing arousal against her folds. His hips jerked when he realized she was naked under his shirt.

“Unfair… so very unfair,” he breathed, his hands running up her buttocks, under the shirt.

She rubbed against him smiling proudly when his fingers tightened on her hips. She was pretty sure she would have marks there in the morning but couldn’t begin to care. Using his grip on her hips, he rolled them around, lying between her thighs; he smiled down proudly when her nails scratched his back at the move of his hips.

Transferring his weight on his left arm, he traced her collarbones slowly with his right hand before running a finger down her chest, popping the three buttons she had fastened open. He buried his nose in the valley of her breasts and inhaled deeply, breathing the smell of her arousal mingled with the perfume of the soap she used earlier in. Her hands closing around his head directed him to her left breast, complying, he followed her lead and felt her nipple harden against his tongue. He sucked her breast in before releasing it in a soft ‘pop’, smiling smugly against her skin when he felt her belly muscle tighten and her hips rub against his. He gave the same treatment to her other breast before running his tongue down her stomach, his right hand replacing his mouth on her chest. He kissed his way down to her groin and, his cheek on her thigh; he looked up.

She had closed her eyes, her teeth worrying her lower lip tying to muffle her moans, one hand on his head, the other fisting on the sheets; she was magnificent.

“Red, please,” she almost begged, guiding his head between her legs.

Red slowly ran his tongue between her folds, tasting her sweetness for the first time in ten years and he couldn’t stop the moan leaving his lips when his tongue met her wetness.

“Oh God, Red!” she moaned.  
“Not quite, love,” he chuckled, his voice reverberating in her, goosebump spreading on her skin.

He put her leg on his shoulder and closed his lips on her clit, sucking on the nub lightly. She was dripping wet when he finally slid two fingers in her core. His tongue alternating between direct light touches and slow circles around her clit, he brought her on the edge, her hips jerking in rhythm with is fingers. When he felt her inner muscle start to spasm around his fingers, he twisted them just so and sent her over.

Her vision blackening, she let out a cry of bliss and then stars burst behind her closed eyelids. He was kissing her thigh lightly when she came back on earth, smiling proudly against her skin. The hand still on his head pulled him up and she kissed him fiercely as soon as he was close enough. She recoiled slightly at her own taste on his tongue and he chuckled again at that.

“You taste wonderfully, sweetheart,” he said against her lips.  
“If you said so,” she grumbled.

She left his lips to kiss his jaw, his chin – she had always loved his chin – and went down his neck, nipping and sucking at his skin, leaving a path of red marks behind her. He didn’t say anything, letting her mark him as hers.

“Too many clothes,” she groaned against his collarbone, grinding her hips against his hard length.

He rolled on his back and waited, smiling smugly. She laughed at his hooded eyes and, kneeling between his spread legs, she hooked her fingers on the waistband of his sleep pants and waited for him to raise his hips to slide them off. Once the offensive piece of clothe on the floor, she ducked her head and ran her tongue along his length, ready to take him in her mouth when his hand on her shoulder stopped her.

“I won’t last,” he groaned between clenched teeth, shaking his head.

She looked at him, eyebrow crooked, smiling devilishly.

“Lizzie!” he cried out, his hips jerking when she ran her finger up his cock teasingly.

Suddenly, he grabbed her by the shoulders and turned them around, settling between her thighs; he crooked an eyebrow, smirking. She ran her nails on his back, tracing his spine and feeling his muscle roll beneath her hands. He kissed her forehead tenderly and, positioning himself, he moved his hips, slipping in her hotness at a deliberate slow pace.

His breath shuddering against her skin, she scratched at the back of his head, closing her legs around his waist, she pulled him against her.

They took a deep breath; their eyes locked, moaning when he buried his cock to the hilt in her sweetness; sweat breaking on their forehead. They stayed immobile for a moment and let out a cry when Red withdrew is hips for an inch, going back almost immediately. She scratched her nails on his scalp, meeting his tongue in a searing kiss and, not for the first time since she had joined him in his bed, he was actually grateful Jenny had chosen to spend the night in her apartment.  

He could feel her muscles flutter around him and almost reluctantly he started to move in her earnestly.

With each thrust, he enacted a ‘Red’ from her lips; the litany of their names between moans filling the silence of the room. He rapidly lost his rhythm and start to pound inside her, his hips twisting at the last moment, hitting her soft spot with every stroke. They could feel their release coming closer and closer and suddenly, he felt her tense under him, her inner muscles clenching around him, he lost the meager control he had left. His hips jerking erratically, he felt her nails bit into the skin of his shoulder, and he groaned when an almost simultaneous orgasm hit them. The tension in his muscles leaving his body suddenly, he collapsed trying to keep most of his weight on his forearm not to crush her beneath him.

He buried his head in her neck, kissing and nipping lazily her skin, waiting for their breaths to calm down. She groaned when he withdrew his softening cock from her and rolled on the side. She immediately moved closer, settling in his embrace, her head on his shoulder, an arm across his belly, fingers playing with his chest hair, and her leg between his. She sighed contently when he pulled up the blankets on their cooling bodies before kissing the top of her head.

“I love you,” she breathed before closing her eyes, a smile on her lips.  
“I love you too,” he replied pulling her closer.

He ran his hands on her back beneath his open shirt she was still wearing and sighed deeply. Of course they still had to talk about their relationship, about Jenny, and Tom, and their future together. He knew the journey would be long and bumpy, with highs and lows; the two of them way too stubborn to live their life in peace. But for now, with Lizzie in his arms, he couldn’t begin to worry about the future. He was really happy for the first time since that dreadful Christmas Eve, ten years ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys. 
> 
> I hope you'll like it :)

The bed was empty and the sheets were cold when Liz woke up the next morning. Fear and dread coiled in her guts when she realized she was alone. He had asked her not to leave him and she was the one waking up in an empty bed. What if he didn’t want her anymore? What if Tom had spoiled her for any other man? What if he had realized she wasn’t good enough for him? Those ‘ _what ifs’_ again _._ She was about to leave the bed and perform the traditional walk of shame when she saw it. On the nightstand a single red rose stood in a crystal vase, a note folded against it.

_I’m sorry not to be with you when you wake up, my love. The office called and I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll be in the kitchen waiting for you. Please don’t make me wait too long. I love you. Red._

She smiled and curled back under the blankets, hugging his pillow in her arms, breathing his scent deeply. He didn’t regret what happened between them last night. After a few minutes, she finally decided to leave the bed and headed to the adjacent bathroom, buttoning the wrinkled shirt that was still hanging from her shoulders. It was definitively a man’s bathroom. She let her fingers run on the grey marble counter around the faucet, smiling at the martial precision his things were aligned with. She frowned at the sight of a razor blade and shaving brush, he was so old fashioned sometimes. She opened his aftershave bottle and felt shivers run up her spine at the smell. It wasn’t exactly the perfume she loved so much and she realized why almost immediately why, it wasn’t mixed with his own scent. It was the mix of the two scents that calmed and reassured her so much.

She decided to use the toilets before cleaning herself. He had left a new toothbrush on a pile of towels on the right side of the counter for her. Looking in the mirror while brushing her teeth, she winced at her reflection. Going to bed with damp hair hadn’t been a good idea. And Red’s hands in it hadn’t helped. She spotted a hairbrush on the left side – his side – and tried to discipline her mane, wondering why a man almost bald would have such an item in his bathroom. Her eyes finally fell on the red marks on her neck and she blushed. Nobody would misinterpret those marks for something they weren’t. Opening the collar of the shirt, she saw those marks draw a path to her breasts. Shaking her head at his boyish need to mark her as his, she left the bathroom and went to find him.

As he had said in his note, she found him in the kitchen, on the phone. She leaned against the doorframe and watched him walk back and forth, his free hand moving in rhythm with his speech, frowning. She took in his appearance, noting his sock-cladded feet, his dark grey dress pants, hugging his buttocks snugly, and the white dress shirt opened at the neck, letting her see sparse chest hair. He was really handsome. He hadn’t seen her yet; she decided to walk silently to him while he had his back to her and startled him by closing her arms around his waist, her head between his shoulders, she kissed his back through the shirt.

“I’ll call you back,” he said on the phone before hanging up.

She kissed his neck, when he linked their fingers on his belly and smiled against his skin when he took in a sharp breath.

“You left me all alone in this big bed,” she almost scolded, playing with his belt.

He turned around in her arms, and closed his hands on her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks tenderly. He kissed her lovingly on the forehead.

“I’m here now,” he breathed against her skin, his hands slipping on her back to settle on her buttocks, chuckling when he realized she was still naked under his shirt. “I love your style, sweetheart,” he smiled.

She kissed him on the lips before evading his arms, she knew him well enough and if she didn’t put some space between them, he would bend her on the kitchen table and have his wicked way. Not that she would mind, but she had to be at work in a hour and didn’t really know how far from the J. Edgar Hoover building she was. And she didn’t have anything to wear.

Seeing her frown and bit her lower lip, Red walked to her and traced a finger on her forehead, worry in his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Lizzie?” he asked when he finally caught her eyes.  
“I have to go home to get some clothes and then head to the office. They must have seen the pictures now, and with those marks on my neck…”

She had loved those marks when she had seen them earlier, now they were an inconvenience and she hated herself to think of them like that. She had left some marks on him too, but with his tanned skin it was easier for him to hide them. And he was the great Admiral Reddington nobody would poke at him because of them.

“You don’t have to worry, sweetheart. I called Harold when you went to bed yesterday, he dispatched you to my office and I give you a week off. See, everything has been taken care of…”  
“You did what?” she cut him off, taking a step back.  
“I called…”  
“Yes I heard you the first time. But why? Why did you do that? Who gave you the right to do this?” she asked, feeling anger rise in her voice.  
“I thought…”  
“Yes you thought! And that’s the problem Red. You didn’t ask me. You took the decision and we weren’t back together when you made that call,” she cut him off again.  
“We’re back together?” he asked in an awestricken voice.  
“For God’s sake, Red! Focus! I’m yelling at you because you took a decision about me on your own and the only thing that get into your brain is that we’re back together,” she replied shaking her head.

He looked at her stricken. They were back together for a few hours and they already were fighting. Not knowing what to say, he poured a cup of coffee and gave it to her, hoping it would calm her.

“Sorry,” she said when he gave her the cup. “I have problems with people taking decisions for me,” she explained curling her hand behind his head and pulling him to her.

She kissed him on the lips before siting at the table, crossing her legs. His eyes on the outrageous amount of skin she was displaying, he went to sit beside her, his own cup in hand.

“I shouldn’t have called your boss,” he conceded, running a finger on her hand. “I’m sorry,” he added, a small smile on his lips, eyes pleading.

She shook her head at that, not believing he dared to use such a trick on her. But it worked. She couldn’t help but kiss him again when she caught his puppy eyes on her.

“Since I don’t have to worry about work and how to hide those marks you left on every inch of my body,” she said sternly when she saw his smug smile, “I still have to go back home to get some clothes. As much as I love your shirt I can’t run around the house half naked.”  
“I wouldn’t mind,” he mumbled ogling her thigh, his hands itching to caress her skin.  
“Don’t even think about it!” she batted his hands when he tried to sneak it under the hem of the shirt. “We’ll have time for that later, now I need to find some clean clothes, and we’ll have to talk about Jen too,” she added sipping at her coffee.

Red nodded silently, he knew they had to talk about their relation to Jen and even if his daughter had been willing to help them, he was a little bit stressed about her reaction.

“Jenny will be back tonight, we’ll talk to her then,” he said, squeezing her hand. “And for the clothes… Please don’t look at me like a creepy old man but… I still have the old clothes you left behind in Virginia,” he blurred out, his eyes on everything except her.  
“Do you? Please, I don’t wanna know what you did over the years with those clothes,” she laughed, picturing him trying on her underwear or crying, curled up in bed hugging her hoodie after they broke up.    
“What I did… Oh God Lizzie!” he laughed too. “I’m going to take them out and don’t even try to think about what you meant,” he said kissing her forehead before leaving the room.

She looked at him walking away, a tender smile on her lips and went to pour another cup of coffee, thinking about what would come next. She looked at the clock hung on the wall; at least, Tom would be at work when she would come back home. She had to think about how to proceed with him. She could leave him a note of course but it would be the coward way and she wasn’t a coward, but facing him after what happened wasn’t a good idea either.

Shaking her head, she finally decided to follow Red’s steps and went back to the bedroom. He was waiting for her, sitting on the bed surrounded by neat piles of clothes and she realized how much of her possessions she had left in his bedroom during their previous affair.

“I think most of it would still fit, but…” he didn’t finished his sentence; he just took out a hoodie at least twice as big as his shirt and cringed.

She laughed at his face and went to go through the piles, finding light blue jeans torn at the knees, a black sweater and some underwear that might be a little too small but would do anyway. Red had spent the whole inventory playing with flimsy blue panties, smiling dreamily. He was so caught in his thought that he didn’t even see her go to the bathroom to change and come back a few minutes later.

She stroked a hand on his cheek, startling him back to the present.

“I’m ready to go. Will Agent Zuma drive me?” she asked smiling tenderly when his eyes focused on her.  
“I gave Dembe a day off, I’ll drive you and stay with you as long as you’ll be there,” he said quite seriously.  
“Tom won’t be here, Red. You don’t have to come if you have more imp…”  
“I’ll come,” he cut her off, bringing her hand to his lips.

She nodded and pulled him up, noting he had put on his shoes while she was in the kitchen. He grabbed a dark grey fedora matching his waistcoat before leaving the room behind her. On the hook by the door he retrieved his navy blue jacket and slipped it on before leading her to the black Mercedes waiting for them in front of the house. Obviously he had planned to come with her the whole time.

They rode in silence, each mile increasing the anxiety Liz felt rising in her guts. She was positive Tom wouldn’t be there but still couldn’t calm her heart. She startled when Red’s hand closed around hers and unknotted her fingers, his eyes never leaving the road.

“It will be alright, Lizzie,” he said kissing their joined hands.

She didn’t reply but squeezed his fingers lightly.

He killed the engine too soon for her liking and rounded the car to open her door, waiting for her to take his hand. She was positive he wouldn’t leave her alone even if she asked so she took his hand and walked with him to the front door. He stopped her when she was about to open the door and reached in his jacket taking out her engagement ring.

“I found it on the floor of the bedroom this morning, I thought you might like to leave it here,” he said. He had actually walked on it on his way out when his phone had rang early that morning and would have hexed it to the mountain of Mordor if it weren’t for the sleeping Lizzie in the bed behind him.  
“Thank you,” she smiled taking the ring and turning it to the timid sun shining on them. It wasn’t a big rock but for a fourth grade teacher it had been pretty big.  
“Ready?”

She nodded and opened the door to let them in. Neither of them was prepared for what was waiting for them inside.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait guys 
> 
> I've been sick, then went to my best friend's for two weeks and then writer's block...
> 
> But I'm back with a chapter longer than usually.
> 
> I hope you'll like it, and thank you for the comments and kudos

They froze at the sight. The living room was a mess. Broken furniture scattered on the floor mingled with glass shards from the torn framed pictures welcomed them.

“What the …” Liz breathed taking a step inside followed by Red.

Together they walked the room, noting the damages Tom’s fury had caused. Liz took a sharp breath and suddenly halted, eyes fixed on the floor.  Red was at her side in a matter of seconds, his hands on her shoulders. He followed her stare and spotted what had distressed her. Blood. Stains of blood on the cream carpet.

“Zuma hit Tom in the face, he must have broken his nose,” Liz said matter of fact.  
“He did.” The voice coming from the stairs startled them both.

They turned around to face Tom and both recoiled at his appearance, Dembe must have hit him stronger than they had thought. Both of Tom’s eyes were black, the left one swollen shut and he couldn’t wear his glasses because of the splint on his nose, a cast on his right hand jutted out his shirtsleeve. He was a mess.

“What are you doing here?” Liz asked feeling Red’s presence behind her.  
“I could ask the same,” Tom replied. “Did you come to finish the job? Is your… boyfriend,” he spat the world disgustingly, “here to make me disappear?”  
“I’m here to get my things back,” she relied choosing not to play along his sick game.  
“Oh yeah… _Your_ things.And what about ours? Do not touch her!” he yelled when Red put his hand on Liz’s shoulder.  
“It’s ok, Red. Please can you wait in the kitchen for a minute, I need to talk to him,” Liz said softly, squeezing Raymond’s hand still on her shoulder.  
“You sure?” Red asked concerned. He really didn’t like the way Tom was clenching his hand at his side.

She nodded silently and felt his fingers close around her shoulder for a second before hearing his steps fade away. Her eyes never left Tom. He was a dangerous man, she had learnt it the hard way the day before and she wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. She had to get her belongings back and leave him behind. Her life was waiting for her in the kitchen and she didn’t want to let it fly away once again.

“Look Tom, I’m not here to fight. I just want to get what’s mine, you can keep everything else,” she said calmly, hoping he would not make a fuss.  
“Why? Why are you leaving me? What did I do?” Tom asked, seeming a little calmer now that Red had left the room.  
“You know perfectly well why I’m leaving you,” she replied coldly, taking out the ring Red had given her back a few minutes earlier and putting it on the table beside her. “We’re done, Tom.”  
“Don’t. Please, don’t,” Tom almost begged suddenly. “You can’t please. I love you. I’m sorry for yesterday. I’m so sorry. Please Liz. I shouldn’t have lost my temper, but those pictures… please Liz, give me another chance, please,” he pleaded, taking a step forward.

She raised her hands to stop him and shook her head.

“Liz, please. We lived together for three years; you can’t forget that that easily, can you? Please forgive me, I’m sorry. I’ve already forgiven you, babe.”  
“You what?” she said suddenly angry.  
“I forgive you.”  
“You forgive me?” she breathed.  
“Yes, I forgive you,” he repeated, thinking he had gained some ground. “I know you slept with him and I forgive you,” he began his eyes on the red marks on her neck. “Can’t you do the same for me? I had reasons to be angry. I shouldn’t have tried to hit you, I know that, but I lost it and I’m sorry. Can’t we try and work it out?” he added inching slowly toward her.  
“You forgive me? You forgive me!? Are you fucking kidding me?” she shrieked, finally losing it, taking a step toward him. “You’re the fucking cheater here! Don’t even try to blame me for something YOU did! I know Tom… I fucking know,” she breathed, shaking her head.

She finally saw understanding shine in his eyes and he cringed. He was busted and knew it. Slowly, she pulled out the envelope she had retrieved from the coffee table at Red’s before leaving the house and threw it at her ‘fiancé’. He caught it before it fell on the floor and opened it, knowing perfectly well what was inside. He peaked inside anyway and cringed when the image of him and Lucy fucking in a hotel room met his eyes.

He felt fury burn in his guts, knowing perfectly from whom those pictures came. Since the moment he met that Raymond Reddington and saw him interact with Liz, he had known something was going on between the two of them. Of course he had been the one cheating on her in the first place, but he was the man. He was supposed to be the one cheating, not her and not with a man old enough to be her father.

“Is it the money or the political prestige?” he asked trying to find a way to hurt her. “You can’t possibly find him attractive, can you?” he added when she didn’t reply. “Really Liz how can you go from me to… _him_?” he said obviously disgusted.  
“Enough!” said a voice behind them.

Red had came back when voices had risen, wanting to make sure Lizzie wasn’t in any danger. He had heard Tom’s words and had seen Lizzie’s shoulders tense with each word the scumbag had said. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Lizzie. Go get your things, I’m going to deal with the garbage,” he said between clenched teeth.

She nodded and squeezed his hand on her way to the stairs, leaving the men alone in the lounge, wondering if they would be in one piece when she’d come back.

Red watched her leave the room before turning a cold stare on Tom. The man didn’t seem afraid of him. He took his time to gauge him, taking in the cast on his arm and the splint on his nose. He wasn’t a youngster anymore and in the fair fight he could have lost against Tom, but in his state, he knew he had the upper hand. Taking a step toward Tom, he saw him recoil. Smirking, he inched slowly toward him.

“You’re going to leave her alone. Don’t even try to contact her again. Don’t even think about her. If I know you’ve just thought about laying your eyes on her, I’ll kill you,” he said in deadly cold voice.  
“You can’t…” Tom said, fear in his voice.  
“Don’t look at me like that. You know who I am, you know how much power I can muster in a flick of my hand. Do you really think you’re safe?” he cut him off, his eyes burning holes in Tom’s. “You hurt her. You cheated on her. My bodyguard already beat you and I could do way worse if I had the mind to. Leave. Her. Alone,” he added his finger jabbing Tom’s chest with each word. 

Tom took a step back, making some distance between and Red, finally understanding how deadly this man could be. He had the power and the means to make him disappear if he wanted to. Without another word, Tom walked back slowly, never turning his back to Red and reached the door, feeling the hardwood against his back, he found blindly the handle and left the house in a hurry.

“Where is Tom?” said Liz, finally getting down the stairs, a large bag in one hand, her spare gun strapped at hip.

She hadn’t mind leaving her clothes and possession behind, but the gun locked in the safe in the back of her dressing had been the one thing she had to retrieve. Tom knew the code to open it and she couldn’t take such a risk. She was surprised he hadn’t tried to get his hands on it already. It would have been an entirely different scenario if he had burst into the room with a gun. 

“I talked to him and he decided to leave,” he relied smugly. “You found everything you were looking for?” he asked when she didn’t call him out on his smugness.  
“Yes,” she replied, looking around her to see if she hadn’t forgot to take something. “Let’s go.”

He nodded and took her bag, kissing her lightly on the lips, his free hand closing on hers and leading her outside. They didn’t even take the time to properly lock the door. They didn’t care. They walked hand in hand to the car, and Red opened the door, letting Liz slid in before rounding the black Mercedes to put the bag in the trunk and a few second later settled behind the steering wheel. He smiled to Lizzie, squeezing her hand one last time before driving back to his home.

They both knew they had to talk about the future. About what they would say to Jennifer. About where Liz would live. They had much to discuss and neither of them knew where to begin. They finally made it to Red’s house in a tense silence. Liz left the car rapidly, leaving Red take care of her bag and went to the door, realizing at the last moment she didn’t have the key and had to wait for the Raymond. She gave him a small smile when he joined her on the doorsteps and unlocked the door. She walked by him and disappeared before he could close the door.

Red followed her slowly, he found her in the kitchen, her hands on the marble counter, head low, her gun laying in front of her. She was crying. He walked silently to her, stopping just behind her, not daring to touch her.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, and it took that for an invite to take her in his arms.

He closed his arms tenderly around her and pulled her against his chest, his nose buried in her hair. He could feel her shivering in his embrace, trying to muffle the sobs trying to escape her throat. He finally turned her around, and let her cry on his shoulder, tracing soothing circles on her back. With each sob she let out, he felt his heart broke a little and anger rise in his chest. He should have taken care of Tom when he had had the opportunity, no matter the risks, he should have done something.

“Shhh, calm down Lizzie. It’s over, you’re safe,” he whispered peppering her temple with small soothing kisses. His Lizzie was strong and independent; he hated seeing her in such a state. He hated not being able to reassure her, to calm her, to help her. He hated being powerless.

She finally calmed down a few minutes later and Red led her to the couch in the lounge and seated her, covering her shivering body with a blanket before heading back to the kitchen. He came back shortly a glass of Scotch in hand. Lizzie was lying in the couch, eyes closed, but he could see she wasn’t sleeping.

He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly until she turned her head to him. He smiled tenderly and opened his arms. She immediately went to him, burying her nose in his neck and smelling him in. As always, his scent started to calm her instantly and she let out a sigh, kissing lightly the thin skin of his neck.

“Oh for God’s sake! Get a room!” the voice behind them made them start.

Liz closed her eyes and breathed a last time her lover’s scent before leaving his arms. She had hoped to have more time to prepare for the confrontation with Jen about their relationship and when she crossed Red’s stare, she knew he had hoped the same. But they didn’t have any other choice now; she was here and had seen them.

“So that’s it? You’re back together?” Jen asked walking in the room to sit in the leather armchair next to the couch.

Liz’s mouth gaped at that. She looked at Red who seemed surprised, but not as much as he should be. And then she understood. Her eyes went from Red to Jen and back.

“What does all of this mean?” she asked, needing to hear the truth.

Jen and Raymond exchanged a look, wincing. Finally, at her father nod, Jen started to speak.

“I’m sorry Liz, we shouldn’t have done things that way, but when I saw the two of you at Sam’s funeral, I realized I had made a mistake all those years ago.”  
“And you decides out of the blue to bring your father and me together, knowing I was engaged?”  
“No, I didn’t. I overheard Tom on the phone when we were at your dad’s; he was calling her ‘babe’. I never hidden that I didn’t like him but that was too much. As long as you were happy, I could bear his existence, but after that… So I took you as my plus one at that party and talked to dad about what I heard,” she explained.  
“I used my connections to have a PI follow him on his trip to Orlando and those pictures were what I was talking about with Finch that night,” Red added, squeezing Liz’s hand resting between them.  
“So you knew from the beginning I would be at the party?”  
“No! I swear to God I didn’t know. I was awestruck when I saw you there.”

Liz sighed and shook her head. She understood now why he had been so tactile at the party and why Jen had insisted so much for her to come. All of this had been planed. She should have been angry at them, but couldn’t find it in her. She hadn’t been that happy in a long time, even her ‘perfect’ life with Tom hadn’t made her feel like she did every time she met Red’s eyes or felt his hand brushing against hers.

“So… It means… You’re ok with us? I mean with our relationship?” Liz asked after a few minutes of silence.  
“Of course I am, I orchestrated it, you dumbass!” Jen laughed.  
“Language!” Raymond warned more as a habit than by real necessity.  
“I’m ok with it as long as you keep it in the bedroom,” Jen began, steel eyes on them. “I don’t want to walk on you doing it like bunnies in the middle of the room, understood?”

They nodded and Liz looked at Red laughing lightly and kissed him on the lips before settling back in his arms. Red smiled smugly when he saw Jen’s reaction at their kiss.

“Look, darling. You’re bound to see us kiss. We promised not to traumatize you any further, plus please make an effort on your side.”

Jennifer sighed and finally nodded when she saw the light shining in her dad and best friend’s eyes. It’d been a long time since she had saw them that happy, it was worth some awkward moments.

“What happened to the scumbag, anyway?” she asked suddenly remembering Tom’s existence at least.  
“We dealt with him,” Raymond replied, not calling her on the word she used.  
“I hope you made him suffer,” she said in a satisfied tone.  
“You should have seen his face when… we’ll talk about it later,” he finished lamely when he felt Lizzie tense in his arms. “You stay with us for dinner?”  
“I’m not sure I could stomach so much mushiness, but I’ll make an effort.”

Jen and Liz burst into laugher as Raymond sulked in his corner. Being in a relation with his daughter’s best friend would be a challenge, but he was up to it. They hadn’t talked about the future, but for now, Liz would stay with him and they would try to figure out how to live with each other and his fame in time. They had time now. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are guys, last chapter. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments/kudos :) 
> 
> Special thanks to Ripperblackstaff, my lovely beta, for your help

The snow was falling silently on the graveyard. A lonely silhouette was walking between the graves, clad in a long wooly back coat, its arms closed around its shivering form. It stopped in front of a grey headstone and brushed the snow toping it with gloved fingers.

“Hi dad,” Liz said looking down at the inscription; she smiled sadly. “I know what you would have said _‘Lizzie, what the hell are you doing out in this weather?!’_ but I’m here because it’s important.” She took a deep frozen breath. “I’m pregnant, dad.”

They had made a mistake that first night she came back to Red’s bed. Caught in the moment they had forgotten to use protection and she had discovered her pregnancy two months later. She had lived between Jen’s and Red’s for a time after leaving the house she had shared with Tom, but as soon as she had told Red about the little being growing in her, he had insisted she moved in with him. She had agreed, it had been a matter of time anyway; she already spent most of her time there.

“I’m sure you’re dying to know who the father is,” she laughed lightly at her own joke. “It’s Raymond,” she added, her hand resting on the headstone.

Living with the great Raymond Reddington hadn’t been easy. Of course the press had jumped on the scoop and her life had been hell for a while, until the escapades of another rock star took her place on the front page of the tabloid.

“I know you would have wished someone else for me, someone younger, but I love him. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved and Jen is ok with it. I hope I’m not disappointing you too much,”

Jennifer had been weirdly calm when they told her. They were prepared for everything except her _“wow, you’re trying to break the world record of the biggest gap between siblings?”_ and Red had had to point out that she would only be its half-sister and that he hoped the baby wouldn’t inherit her sarcasm and irony. Jen had slapped him on the arm and hugged Liz warmly. She seemed to have made her peace with their relationship and was happy to see another one shoulder the burden of being the youngest Reddington. They suspected Jen’s mild reaction had something to do with the relationship with Agent Dembe Zuma she desperately tried to keep secret.

“I’m happy, dad, and nothing else matter. I hope you understand.”

Ressler of course had been his insufferable self. He hadn’t actually said ‘I knew it’ out loud but it hadn’t been necessary. Where her colleagues tried to weasel gossip from her, he had stayed in the background smiling knowingly. But at the end of the day, her partner seemed to be happy for her.

She startled when two strong arms closed around her, gloved hands spread on her rounded belly.

“Hey Sam!” Raymond said before kissing Liz lightly on the side of her head.

She was already six months pregnant. Since she told him about the baby, Red never left her side for too long. He had tried to convince her to ask her boss for a transfer, to come to work at his office so they wouldn’t have to be separated, but she had refused. She loved her job and didn’t want to be associated with Raymond Reddington’s name at the Bureau, even if it already was too late for that.

“It’s a little guy Sam,” he said proudly. “Did you already tell him the name, sweetheart?”  
“No I didn’t. I was waiting for you,” she replied linking her fingers with his on her belly.

They hadn’t fight over the name, as soon as the doctor had told them it was a boy, it had been evident. They hadn’t talked about marriage yet, it was too soon, but Liz wanted their baby to have Red’s name no matter what.

“Samuel Reddington.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [First Time Behind Closed Doors](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4064065) by [Kanari_Kabi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanari_Kabi/pseuds/Kanari_Kabi)
  * [Southern Comfort](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8368252) by [MyHusbyLooksLikeJoel (Jackswife)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackswife/pseuds/MyHusbyLooksLikeJoel)




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